2014 goals included:
*Raise a puppy......man oh man, is this turning out to be one wild and crazy ride of learning to mold the mind of one very clever puppy! I'm starting a list of all the things she has taught me......I'll post that later as said list grows pretty much every day. One thing is for certain, I need to keep my bras in a drawer and that drawer shut! Enough said!
*Get healthy.....this one sounded easier and simpler than what it is turning out to be. Fine by me, I've got some house cleaning to do. Days gone by "healthy" meant "loose some weight", "exercise a little"; instead I find myself, shovel, rake, pick, and broom in hand, cleaning out my heart and mind. Attacking and mucking as I would the barn. Too bad I can't fit the tractor in there....it is hard, yet good, satisfying, fulfilling work. Progress is measure incrementally; and care is taken to not be making messes along side the cleaning.
*Follow a well thought out plan for lambing.......hahahahaha! I guess I must be good at lambing because it stays with me like fresh sheep pooh stink on a 3 1/2 month old puppy! I'm lambing again, and with the Douala job comes the highs and lows of life....at their extremes. As much as I try, I can NOT "not care". Instead I try to find the balance between NOT over-caring while doing what I know to do and NOT beating myself up when things are not perfect.
I was chatting with a good friend yesterday, intermittently, small tid bits of feelings shared when each of us had time amidst a busy day. What am I to learn from this......never ending lambing seasons married to the lambing out of someone else's cull sheep. I've felt "stuck" in the movie Groundhogs Day....hitting the alarm clock and living similar experiences each spring with lambing seasons seeming endless. I'm now on take five, I believe; different versions of the same story. One year, the ram broke out into the open ewes I keep for dog work.....lambing went on and on. Another year, I used CIDRs on the ewes and a marker on the ram. Once all the ewes were marked, I slipped into the comfort of "knowing" exactly what day each ewe was bred meanwhile leaving the ram with his harem to keep him happy until lambs appeared....lambing went on and on that year too! Yet another year, I brought in some skinny old hags of some shepherds sharp pen of culling. Needless to say, they WERE open, but my good and kindhearted friend, who would give the shirt off her back to her peeps, hauled a ram for another friend in the same trailer with the ewes. Convenience and keeping that ram happy, left him in a pasture with the girls until he was hauled to his new home......and the lambing went on and on that year too! I've hit the alarm clock and its 2014......first lamb of round two hit the ground yesterday....I'm off and running, hoping to get it right this time.
*Find Peace.....or in the negative....stay away from Drama! This goal has had me attempting to limit my Facebook time.....seems FB really brings out the drama for me. On the one hand, it is nice to read about other people and their "challenges" in life......makes me feel a little bit more, hmmm, well normal. On the other hand, part of my barn cleaning is setting healthy boundaries and surrounding myself with those who come along side to share the journey of finding answers that are healthy and keep me headed in the direction of my goals: GET HEALTHY! As I pondered this past weeks extravagant helpings I've been served up for life, I cannot help but let my mind slip into "what have I done to deserve this?" mode. Am I living the payment of some karmic debt that I owe from something I did last week, last year, last lifetime? Am I being "tested" to see what I am made of, how bad I want it, or how far I will go to get it? Is my Creator tell me to hang up my crook, sell the sheep, watch reality TV during the day and get a boob job?
These questions don't just come about from Never Ending Lambing either. Last Wednesday, I wrapped my Bella around a piece of cattle panel and put 25 stitches in her left shoulder. The second it happened, I knew......I took off running into the bottom pasture where her outrun had propelled her, three legged, asking for that "lie down" we've been working on and getting it, thankfully, on the first command. I lay with her, compressing her shoulder, slowing her heart rate, wondering what the hell I was going to do. How could I, one person, keep her bleeding controlled, hold her shoulder together, while carrying her to the truck some 250 yards away. We lay there, Bella and me......and I realized yet again so many of the epiphanies I always seem to promise to remember as they slide into the "taken for granted" corners of my cobweb infested mind. My good friends began to show up for their day of sheep work; each of them working together to help me.....bandages brought down, tears dried, phone calls made to cancel the day and make room at the vet's.
"Trying" days"......LIFE! I don't think we manifest all of our "trying days". I don't think we are paying karmic debt, nor do I believe we "deserve" them. I believe they happen......trying days happen to everyone regardless of belief or goodness. We cannot escape them, wish them away, protect ourselves from them. We can learn from them but learning does not prevent more and different "trying days" from coming around.....because they will come around until we breath our last breath. Trying days are the yang to fabulous days and I surely don't want to live without those!
Here's what I am learning, again and again much like my lambing: 1) I have a choice in my "trying days"....I don't get to choose them, but I do get to choose how I will participate in them! I get to choose how I look at them, how they make me feel, if I let them turn to drama. I get to choose my attitude and behavior....if I try to eat them away, or sleep them away, blame them away or bitch them away. I can choose to bring others into them; to help find answers, to share in the journey, to find some sympathy, or feed my ego. I can laugh at them and learn from them and find a bit of what is to be thankful for amidst them. I can CHOOSE MY ATTITUDE. 2) FRIENDS are priceless......I'm so thankful for the good friends that I have. My "trying days" magnify both.....my attitude and the work that needs done there.... my friends who come along to walk beside me as I TRY.
Bella is going to be fine. My plans are needing some adjusting as she mends and I am practicing the art of letting go mixed with patience. The cattle panel has been removed...and those that are gate opening are being padded. And me, well you can find me in the lambing barn working on my attitude all the while being thankful for my friends. One down....nine to go......
Seize the Day!!!!!
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