A Window Opens. I think I just have to be ready for finding the window. I'm not sure "finding the window" is actual pursuing but I do believe "being open to" is action as well.
I love this quote by Buddha ~
In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.
I ponder this.....how am I to know what IS meant for me and what is NOT meant for me? My grand plans of hitting the road came to a screeching halt as Bella limped the sheep to me on a short fetch, my friend watching to asses movement. Pretty silly because he did not need to asses....it was as plain as the pockets on my jeans....Bella had not healed and I needed to pry my bony fingers, that had their tight grasp on MY plans, off what might not have been meant for me. I'd been looking forward to getting away for so long; not just a weekend, but three Divine Weeks of "away".
This was not about Bella's injury, nor my part in that. It was and is about me and how easy it is to say Buddha like words when life goes as I planned and desired....yet how, with each degree of separation from the map I've laid out, my grip tightens and I fight. Too honest for some, allows for judgement from others, but hell, this is my life........and maybe just maybe by sharing my honest feelings, I will be a help to someone working on loosening their grip also.
So a friend mentioned that I had things to be thankful for in the "staying home" quick detour of my life's map. I believe those might be my windows......
1) The cull ewes are thankful.....the bred girls were slated for a trip to the buyers yesterday had I been heading out on my door trip. I could not leave cull ewes lambing to my friends who check the ranch. These girls have now bought themselves another month to deliver their "gift with purchase". Get with the program, girls but not until tomorrow when the sun is supposed to shine!
2) Sis is turning four months on the 1st. Giving her another month to grow up and be used to days on end in her crate in the truck is another window opportunity. That plus I would have been going it alone and it's always nice to have a friend to help with a puppy.
3) It's always nice to travel with a friend...who can provide the best of conversations to keep the truck time interesting. I was going this trip alone with a few books on CD......not a bad way to travel but I prefer a copilot that can keep me awake and the boogie man away!
4) I have a few old dogs here at home that are getting older. Snook has been loosing control of her back left leg...it will be good to spend time with her while I still can because I have no idea how much longer I'll have her.
The list could go on..it's a good exercise to look at what I have to be grateful for in the detour I am forced to take. Here's the deal.....I don't believe disappointment is a bad thing. I live life pretty darn passionately, doing all I can to squeeze out what I can from each day. I make plans, and dream of what will come from those plans.....friends I get to spend time with, beauty I've not seen before, opportunities for improving relationships with each of my dogs, runs to be had, finding areas in myself that have either strengthened or need more attention (sometimes being on the road really allows me time with myself). Being disappointed also does not lessen what other's have gone through. I guess I've worked hard on making my life about me and not about comparing to other's lives......I have no intent on diminishing and minimizing what other's have gone through. I'm just disappointed is all and thankfully this will not last.
Bella has a PT appointment on Monday, in addition to all the massages, laser treatments, and walks we've been doing.....she's getting to see her favorite clinician. I'm very thankful Bella is alive and will run again one day. She would run now for me, limp and all, and I wonder what, if anything, I have done to deserve such loyalty from my friend. But this in not really about Bella, this is about me gracefully letting go of the things not meant for me. And THAT might take a lifetime.....
Gracefully Seizing the Day!