I have three lives.....one third that of a cat; my family life, my running life, and my life of sheepdogs....each brings joys and learning opportunities....each comes together in the making of me. Recently, I've been logging a few running miles in preparation for my first ever half marathon that I will run January 18. I love running....not so much the act of running because that comes with some baggage, but the effect running has on my brain. If not world problems then most certainly my problems get solved or, at the least, put in perspective right around mile 3; every mile there after is productive sorting of ME. Some days I drift into wishing I'd found running earlier in life.....who might I have become had I? I always come back around to being grateful I have found that my two feet can carry my brain into inner depths of finding more and more of who I really am; what I am really made of.
Lately, I've been thinking about "what if's"? "What if this were my last Christmas?" Would I spend it the way I did? Would I say the things that came out of my mouth, had I known it was my last? Would I have extended grace in the face of bitterness? Would I have found compassion as disappointment showed up? What if my first half marathon, in reality, were my last? Would I prepare more, release expectation of pace, find blessings amongst the sore muscles and wheezy lung? What if I let go of trying to make others happy? The "what ifs" taking me deeper in as well as letting me go....freeing.
I look at my Snook dog, my first border collie, the one who introduced me to sheep and the ugly side of myself. Snook is turning an old 13 this year; hind end thinning with wasting muscle. I know my "what if's" are closer to reality with Snook. I pinch her cheeks and remember all she has brought into my life and I discipline myself to seize the day with her.
I've always reveled in the week between Christmas and New Year's Day; collecting slogans, motivating pictures, dreams, goals, aspirations for the year to come. Every year, I read a few more motivational sports psychology books and am told to "visualize", "manifest", "name it/claim it", "a person's mind cannot tell the difference between that which is vividly imagined vs. what is real" or something along those lines. I look back over my vision board and note that much of what I have put on it has come to be. On the one hand, I'm blessed, honored, astounded.....on the other hand, a sense of superficial ME-ism rears its ugly head. I understand that working on me is what I should be working on, however self absorption might be best tempered with .....something other than that.
I wonder: what if this year, I put on my vision board: join in curing 90% of childhood cancer, building a school in Africa, donate what has been collected to the betterment of others?
A few things about me, that I know for sure: I have always been "all or nothing". When I want to learn something new, I delve right in...reading books, watching videos, getting in and dirty with all that is required to understand, accomplish, conquer, succeed. I'm also pretty freaking honest which has the down side of knowing that sometimes "truth is relevant"; very cliche but every so.....true! For 2015, I believe I am going to strive for "BALANCE".....looking for answers into the "what if's" before I act so that each day can be one of making my life extraordinary. With balance, I know there are things I must let go of along the things I need to embrace.
2015's vision board is coming to life, filled with one portion self improvement, a scoop of joining the cause of something bigger than me, and a few sides of dreams, goals, and impossibilities to round me out and keep me living a life that, if it were my last days, would be so worth living.
For my half marathon, I am fundraising for the kids at St Jude Children's Hospital.....where the goal is to cure 90% of childhood cancer and no child with cancer goes untreated because of not being able to afford care. Want to join my team? You can donate here: Be a St Jude Hero
Happy New Year!!! May 2015 be filled with profound intention and dreams come true!
Seize the Day!!!!!
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Thursday, December 11, 2014
And Then This Happened
I've spent the past few months watching my 2014 final's run with Bella. As I've confessed, I've gone through the stages of death and dying.....shock, denial, anger, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance and HOPE. Yes, I'm still sorting....months later. I'm grateful to good friends who spend their precious time watching, providing feedback, listening; honesty with the heart of greater good is such a rare commodity these days. I could delve into the mirky waters to share what I have learned about myself: real deep inner ah-ha's from 10 minutes on a hay field in Carbondale, Colorado with my instructors: 5 sheep and Bella.
I've been running my body, miles and miles of road running, in preparation for a half marathon in January. All the little details of working towards the race amaze me at what I never knew I had inside myself. Everything requires practice: 14 mile long runs getting my joints and bones accustomed to the pounding, speed work to make me faster, lifting for strength, hills for endurance and racing to understand pace, work on mental toughness, feel what it's like to run with hundreds of other runners.
Then life, running and sheepdogs meet right there in the middle of my head........at the finals and most trials, I find myself either filming runs, asking to scribe, or sitting off watching runs....all of which equals me really watching. I enjoy the different styles of dogs, the different ways handlers approach the course. My true confession is: sometimes I get caught up in running my dog way different than I train my dog. Be to the fact I do train my own dogs, this can be very problematic.... and, at the least, frustrating for my dog! I believe that is what I see most in my final's run.....a dog trying to sort out who the heck was standing at the post and what the heck she wanted!
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| photo by Jenny Glen |
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| photo by Jenny Glen |
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| photo by Kerri Back Photography |
What's a girl to do?
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| photo by Kerri Back Photography |
I've taken a little break from trialing and teaching lessons; this winter I've put my name out to work in the trenches. I really enjoy the "real work" on so many levels. Some of my younger dogs are getting to take a turn at jobs and it's so amazing to see the understanding develop. When I close the gate on a tough job, the level of pride I feel for my dogs is just darn right amazing. It's in the real work that I find myself again, how I train, how I communicate, all things relationship. The sense of the job brings clarity and understanding.....my corrections become help, I can laugh at the ridiculousness when things go south. These are the qualities in me that I would like to take back onto the trial field.
As I live my life out.....I am really beginning to see how much mental discipline is something that is worked on and developed much like strength and endurance. Strength and endurance don't just happen, I work at them. Eric Orton from The Cool Immposible writes: "It is easy to perform when things are going well, but just like in life, 'real' performance is about how we act after we think, being aware, and continuing to perform when things "seem" to be wrong.But in reality, the only thing that is wrong is this flawed thinking in the moment. Can you perform when your thinking goes south? Can you be aware when thinking goes wrong? Can your mind perform when you want the current situation to be different?
I tell my athletes, everyone has negative thoughts; it is what we do with the negative thoughts that separate the elite thinkers from the average thinkers in sport. This is important to understand. We all have negative thoughts, no one is immune. The first step is to understand this and realize avoidance is not the target. And, when we do have these thoughts it doesn’t mean we are not mentally strong. The mentally strong have trained and perfected how to respond to challenging times, which inevitably produce negative feelings. So the take home here is do not beat yourself up if you have bad thoughts during your performance, EXPECT IT and then MODIFY IT."
I jump from Eric's thesis of practicing, training and perfecting response to negative feelings to practicing running my dogs the way I train...and then being true to myself when things go south just as much as when the run goes well. For me, it's something that requires work and thoughtful practice to strengthen this to begin to become my strong muscle memory. As I delve in, I see the dogs begin to relax and give back with greater understanding, consistency and relationship. Funny how it all comes back to me........and there in lies my hope.
Seize the Day!
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
In Retrospect
I look over at the right side of my blog.....scrolling down my blog list of readings that have occupied time over the years. Some blogs provide fodder for fabulous over-thinking, others, mindless time-killing when more pressing needs required soothing. Such is today...I have a long run ahead of me, yet I sit here, my 13 1/2 year old Jack Russell, fresh from the vets where she was diagnosed with "tonsillitis". Ruby Tuesday (the JRT I speak of) is very persnickety, never allowing a person to look in her mouth...EVAH!!!! This fine, if not stubborn, quality resulted in administered anesthesia to have a look around today. I figured I might as well get my money's worth, so I went ahead and had them clean her teeth while they were at it. Now, Ruby on one side, wrapped in a big fleecy blanket while Sis teases me with intermittent cuddles on the other side of me, Grace, needing a shower after a crap rolling session out in the back yard, lays by the door, and Snook pancakes at my feet, sleeping hard and breathing slower as time marches on. I reflect over the blog list.....many the exact same as I left them over a year ago. One blog in particular catches my attention on this day: Vet on the Edge. I miss that Alaskan Vet with the wicked sense of humor. Whenever she posted a new story, I could not wait to sit with my cup of coffee and share the beginning of the morning with her. Today, I wonder if she knew the lives she had touched over the years? The world lost yet another amazing vet the other day.....one who touched many lives. I did not know her, nor had I read her...but many of my friends were touched by her teachings and some called her 'friend'. I've spent time wondering if she knew the lives she had touched; how much people truly and deeply cared about her, valued her, esteemed her and loved her? I wonder if she knew the huge hole that would be left in the wake of her passing, how many people would cry? I wonder........
As I tickled the toes of the Rocky Mountains, hanging out at the sheepdog finals, watching and filming, I wondered then too. I took time to watch, really closely watch, the interactions: dog, sheep, handler, volunteers, leaders, friends. Is it age, a place in the midst of my life well lived, finding myself closer to the end than the beginning now, that leaves me wanting just a little bit more from myself? I want to believe that my life has been and is being lived for something bigger than my performance at a sheepdog trial. I wonder.....
I ran Bella and came off the field feeling a partnership in flux. I "felt" like she ran over me most of the way around until that magic moment where we found our rhythm and made the most out of the rest of the course, too late. A good friend and mentor talked to me long after my run, his version not at all like me version of what happened. I've learned over the years that mentor's words are to be ruminated on, so I boxed them up in a larger box than I would have liked and began sorting through them on my drive home.
It always takes me a few days, if not weeks, to find my courage to watch my runs, if a friend is willing to film for me. I lucked out and a friend stood behind the camera for my run......I'm sure I am grateful. It is not her fault what she filmed was the reality of what happened and not my sugar coated, self absorbed version that skated dog blaming. I grabbed my box off the higher shelf, where I had stored it, hoping it might catch some dust before I sorted out the contents. I watched my run, in amazement the first time around, then moving through the Kubler Ross stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression. My filmed run is NOT at ALL what I remembered! That, and my mentor was RIGHT....gasp. My video run showed a dog that was giving everything she had to sort twitchy, difficult sheep....and a handler who needs more work. Work at what, I'm just now beginning to sort and gain ideas about.....I've learned over the years that the changing of me is that special life challenge that I am willing to embrace with everything I am. I tiptoe through the depression stage......disappointed in myself. My dogs give me so much of themselves and I am more than willing to take. The good news is seeing.....the bad news is seeing.....the quest continues. I dig deep knowing that relationships are my higher quest.....dogs, friends, me.
Friday I got a call from the Sheep Boss; he needed a field gathered and his shepherd was MIA. I pulled up, into the field, grabbed a four wheeler, my whistle and Bella. The second I started up the field, big and deep with a bend to the left of it, tree lined shade beginning to creep its way onto the dark fescue grass, Bella took off on an outrun. It might have been a pretty outrun, but Bella had no idea where the sheep were tucked into the shade, out of sight, around the bend and i did not have time to leave her to her own mistake. Today was about team work, we had a job to do and the Boss does not like his sheep to run. I yelled at her, "Bella, Lie Down!". She ran harder and a bit tighter. I yelled again, a pitch coming into my voice, one of how about I come kick your ass, "Bella, you better lie down". She was gone. Then it hit me, I had a four wheeler and I could out gas her.....I took off up the filed, stuck my whistle in my mouth and blew a lie down. She stopped, and looked over her shoulder, waited for me. I pulled left, calling out a "that'll do" and together we went out and around the shaded up sheep, walking them in to the catch pen 100 acres away. Bella took the side draw, holding the pressure, catching the runners and waiting for my to push the sore footed laggers. As the trailers pulled away from the field, packed full of our gathered sheep, not a single one left behind, Bella and I headed to the coffee shop to celebrate.
I found my stage of acceptance on the field of real work. I know and have known that Bella hates it when I yell at her. She is a lot like me, and pretty much everyone I know; she does better without being yelled at. Me, well, I have to die to my ego I guess.....ego and old habits from lifetimes ago. I relish the days where I'm allowed time to sort.....to experiment and find the answers given back. New vision to my eyes, from the real time and filmed runs from the finals, the good news is seeing, the best news is adjusting to what is seen. Relationship.....it's not about perfection; it's about seeing, adjusting, communicating, understanding, self change.
"One hundred years from now
It will not matter...."
As I tickled the toes of the Rocky Mountains, hanging out at the sheepdog finals, watching and filming, I wondered then too. I took time to watch, really closely watch, the interactions: dog, sheep, handler, volunteers, leaders, friends. Is it age, a place in the midst of my life well lived, finding myself closer to the end than the beginning now, that leaves me wanting just a little bit more from myself? I want to believe that my life has been and is being lived for something bigger than my performance at a sheepdog trial. I wonder.....
I ran Bella and came off the field feeling a partnership in flux. I "felt" like she ran over me most of the way around until that magic moment where we found our rhythm and made the most out of the rest of the course, too late. A good friend and mentor talked to me long after my run, his version not at all like me version of what happened. I've learned over the years that mentor's words are to be ruminated on, so I boxed them up in a larger box than I would have liked and began sorting through them on my drive home.
It always takes me a few days, if not weeks, to find my courage to watch my runs, if a friend is willing to film for me. I lucked out and a friend stood behind the camera for my run......I'm sure I am grateful. It is not her fault what she filmed was the reality of what happened and not my sugar coated, self absorbed version that skated dog blaming. I grabbed my box off the higher shelf, where I had stored it, hoping it might catch some dust before I sorted out the contents. I watched my run, in amazement the first time around, then moving through the Kubler Ross stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression. My filmed run is NOT at ALL what I remembered! That, and my mentor was RIGHT....gasp. My video run showed a dog that was giving everything she had to sort twitchy, difficult sheep....and a handler who needs more work. Work at what, I'm just now beginning to sort and gain ideas about.....I've learned over the years that the changing of me is that special life challenge that I am willing to embrace with everything I am. I tiptoe through the depression stage......disappointed in myself. My dogs give me so much of themselves and I am more than willing to take. The good news is seeing.....the bad news is seeing.....the quest continues. I dig deep knowing that relationships are my higher quest.....dogs, friends, me.
Friday I got a call from the Sheep Boss; he needed a field gathered and his shepherd was MIA. I pulled up, into the field, grabbed a four wheeler, my whistle and Bella. The second I started up the field, big and deep with a bend to the left of it, tree lined shade beginning to creep its way onto the dark fescue grass, Bella took off on an outrun. It might have been a pretty outrun, but Bella had no idea where the sheep were tucked into the shade, out of sight, around the bend and i did not have time to leave her to her own mistake. Today was about team work, we had a job to do and the Boss does not like his sheep to run. I yelled at her, "Bella, Lie Down!". She ran harder and a bit tighter. I yelled again, a pitch coming into my voice, one of how about I come kick your ass, "Bella, you better lie down". She was gone. Then it hit me, I had a four wheeler and I could out gas her.....I took off up the filed, stuck my whistle in my mouth and blew a lie down. She stopped, and looked over her shoulder, waited for me. I pulled left, calling out a "that'll do" and together we went out and around the shaded up sheep, walking them in to the catch pen 100 acres away. Bella took the side draw, holding the pressure, catching the runners and waiting for my to push the sore footed laggers. As the trailers pulled away from the field, packed full of our gathered sheep, not a single one left behind, Bella and I headed to the coffee shop to celebrate.
I found my stage of acceptance on the field of real work. I know and have known that Bella hates it when I yell at her. She is a lot like me, and pretty much everyone I know; she does better without being yelled at. Me, well, I have to die to my ego I guess.....ego and old habits from lifetimes ago. I relish the days where I'm allowed time to sort.....to experiment and find the answers given back. New vision to my eyes, from the real time and filmed runs from the finals, the good news is seeing, the best news is adjusting to what is seen. Relationship.....it's not about perfection; it's about seeing, adjusting, communicating, understanding, self change.
"One hundred years from now
It will not matter...."
I think on this quote...what exactly will matter 100 years from now? Will anyone remember my score or my run at a trial? I think not, I know I am hard pressed to remember who came in third at The 2012 National Finals, let along who came in third at Heppner last year. Knowing this and living this are two different edges to the same sword. As I look for a concluding "ah ha" moment, some profound statement to pull this all together, I can't find words to put to my feelings. I'll keep to the work...I know most of it is an inside job....my dogs a mirror to my growth.
Seize the Day......make your life extraordinary!!!!!
Seize the Day......make your life extraordinary!!!!!
Monday, August 18, 2014
Sounds Like Life to Me.....
Oh, sheepdog trialing.......slivers of the mirror of my life....if I look closely enough; funny how running is running...be it the dogs or me. I owe LaCamas a debt of gratitude for reminding me....allowing me to remember things:
1. My dogs run for me...they never look at the score sheet and I'm not even sure they know a trial is a competition. They don't always 'like' running for who I become, at times, while I stand at the post...but they always run for me. In sickness and in health.....till death do us part....they run for me. If they don't, I had better take a good look at their health and even a closer look at me.......the answer lies somewhere between the two.
2. Trials allow me the opportunity to practice what I need to practice....those opportunities will present themselves if I keep my eyes open...focusing on what is important. I get to practice what I need...letting go of expectation, disappointment, staying true to myself, finding the good in the dogs, building up and coming along side friends, working on me, being truthful with myself, allowing drama, politics, negativity to run off my oiled outerwear.....watching for patches that might need attention.
3. That I trial for myself.....the P in PR is PERSONAL. No one walks my journey, nor I theirs. Winning and placements only define me if I allow them to. I won't. If someone else allows this to be their definition...so be it....it is their journey. It's a choice to keep my eyes on my own journey. And while I'm at it.....I get to make a choice to be kind to myself.
4. And while I am on the subject, scores do not define me....nor my dog. I can look at my break down and it may or may not tell my story.....but it won't tell success of where I am and what I've been working on. That is PERSONAL.....what I am working on. The judge's scoring is just one person's opinion; mix in other's opinions of my run...good friends know and challenge my thinking in ways of improvement... my fetch might have been fast but I was working on not yelling at my dog and I made a bit of relational progress in us.....like it or not, that won't be shown in a score.
5. Relationship is what I am longing for with my dogs. They are my dogs and I dabble in knowing them and how to handle them relationally. Sometimes I fall back into habits of "make"; I'm a work in progress. Sometimes my ego gets in the way of relationship; sometimes fear. My heart was so filled with amazing joy to see Bella feeling good again at LaCamas. It's been a LONG journey of rehabilitation from the cattle panel incident of April. Fear whispered in my ear that she might never recover or trust me again. It was fun to see her hunting her pressure points with much gusto.....and knowing that she is just a tad out of condition....we can work on that. My handling was a little rusty.....a few miscalculations and hesitation on injury muscle memory on my part making a bit of chaos on the cross drive and a little wide turn at the cross drive panel......but we were a team. Relationship! Today I hug that.....I've work to do, that's alright, but the relationship improves and I'm up for the task. She runs for me.
Sometimes when I run my body, I have the idea come to me to quit. Early on, a book I read told me to embrace the idea to quit.....invite it to come running with me....let it in and let it out of my mind like the shopping list I always make. It is just an "idea", it means nothing, I don't have to do it, I let it in and let it out...and soldier on. With time, the idea to quit does not visit me much any more. In fact, yesterday, after not feeling well for a few weeks, on my road run, quit came calling. It's not been around for so long, I hardly recognized it. I stopped, looked around and then, one step after another, I ran again. "Come run with me, Quit. You've been gone for a while......come run with me" and I soldiered on......bread, salsa, chicken, protein drinks.....my grocery list starting to form and edge out quit; it left the same way it came. Sometimes when I'm at a trial to run my dogs, I forget all that is important. I allow self doubt, critical thinking, ego, drama, and talking to distract me from my journey....I'm practicing allowing all that in, sitting with it and not fighting it, welcoming it along, and allowing it to move through, out the other side......those old tapes and habits and patterns are only what I allow them to be. With practice, I'm hoping it becomes easier to not get trapped/caught up in all the distractions that want in.......with practice, I want to easily have them pass through, let them out and maybe they will stop visiting all together. I soldier on, grateful for the ability to practice....come run with me.
Seize the Day!
1. My dogs run for me...they never look at the score sheet and I'm not even sure they know a trial is a competition. They don't always 'like' running for who I become, at times, while I stand at the post...but they always run for me. In sickness and in health.....till death do us part....they run for me. If they don't, I had better take a good look at their health and even a closer look at me.......the answer lies somewhere between the two.
2. Trials allow me the opportunity to practice what I need to practice....those opportunities will present themselves if I keep my eyes open...focusing on what is important. I get to practice what I need...letting go of expectation, disappointment, staying true to myself, finding the good in the dogs, building up and coming along side friends, working on me, being truthful with myself, allowing drama, politics, negativity to run off my oiled outerwear.....watching for patches that might need attention.
3. That I trial for myself.....the P in PR is PERSONAL. No one walks my journey, nor I theirs. Winning and placements only define me if I allow them to. I won't. If someone else allows this to be their definition...so be it....it is their journey. It's a choice to keep my eyes on my own journey. And while I'm at it.....I get to make a choice to be kind to myself.
4. And while I am on the subject, scores do not define me....nor my dog. I can look at my break down and it may or may not tell my story.....but it won't tell success of where I am and what I've been working on. That is PERSONAL.....what I am working on. The judge's scoring is just one person's opinion; mix in other's opinions of my run...good friends know and challenge my thinking in ways of improvement... my fetch might have been fast but I was working on not yelling at my dog and I made a bit of relational progress in us.....like it or not, that won't be shown in a score.
5. Relationship is what I am longing for with my dogs. They are my dogs and I dabble in knowing them and how to handle them relationally. Sometimes I fall back into habits of "make"; I'm a work in progress. Sometimes my ego gets in the way of relationship; sometimes fear. My heart was so filled with amazing joy to see Bella feeling good again at LaCamas. It's been a LONG journey of rehabilitation from the cattle panel incident of April. Fear whispered in my ear that she might never recover or trust me again. It was fun to see her hunting her pressure points with much gusto.....and knowing that she is just a tad out of condition....we can work on that. My handling was a little rusty.....a few miscalculations and hesitation on injury muscle memory on my part making a bit of chaos on the cross drive and a little wide turn at the cross drive panel......but we were a team. Relationship! Today I hug that.....I've work to do, that's alright, but the relationship improves and I'm up for the task. She runs for me.
Sometimes when I run my body, I have the idea come to me to quit. Early on, a book I read told me to embrace the idea to quit.....invite it to come running with me....let it in and let it out of my mind like the shopping list I always make. It is just an "idea", it means nothing, I don't have to do it, I let it in and let it out...and soldier on. With time, the idea to quit does not visit me much any more. In fact, yesterday, after not feeling well for a few weeks, on my road run, quit came calling. It's not been around for so long, I hardly recognized it. I stopped, looked around and then, one step after another, I ran again. "Come run with me, Quit. You've been gone for a while......come run with me" and I soldiered on......bread, salsa, chicken, protein drinks.....my grocery list starting to form and edge out quit; it left the same way it came. Sometimes when I'm at a trial to run my dogs, I forget all that is important. I allow self doubt, critical thinking, ego, drama, and talking to distract me from my journey....I'm practicing allowing all that in, sitting with it and not fighting it, welcoming it along, and allowing it to move through, out the other side......those old tapes and habits and patterns are only what I allow them to be. With practice, I'm hoping it becomes easier to not get trapped/caught up in all the distractions that want in.......with practice, I want to easily have them pass through, let them out and maybe they will stop visiting all together. I soldier on, grateful for the ability to practice....come run with me.
Seize the Day!
Thursday, August 14, 2014
The Thrill of It All.....
I'm preparing to head up the road to one of my favorite trials....LaCamas. It tops my list for a number of reasons: lovely field, challenging sheep, local.... really, though, it was my first every big open trial I attended way back in the beginning. I remember hanging out by the open field, after my non-existant pro novice runs with Snook...who would not lift sheep off the setter from an old grudge....it was outrun, glance at setter, same trajectory all the way back to the post to pick me up and take me to the truck. I sat at the open field, off by myself, and watched run after run after run, dreaming of the day I would send a dog on that field at LaCamas. Those memories of the years following, the dogs I have been privileged to send, the runs, the dramatic end of a grip in the shed, the gambling cone of last year.....and now I load the truck for another opportunity to live my dream. Crook, check; lucky leash, check; security blanket whistle, check! I am off.........
My goals:
*run the dog I am taking to the post
*stive for that magic of team work: appropriate corrections, clear whistles, sharp timing
*know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em
*Seize the day!
My goals:
*run the dog I am taking to the post
*stive for that magic of team work: appropriate corrections, clear whistles, sharp timing
*know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em
*Seize the day!
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Death of a Blog?
Nope, it ain't happenin' here! I will write until the days my fingers can hunt and peck.......
My life with dogs is one part letting go....mixed with two parts of being okay with letting go. Bella is still off from the accident. She is sore and still does not stride out correctly on a wide open Come Bye flank. I'm working on that......including taking her to acupuncture tomorrow. I'm looking forward to seeing what that might bring to the picture of Bella's health. Bella and I sit on the list for the finals....waiting (and letting go of expectation) to see if we get in. Bella, Nell and I sit on the waiting list (letting go) for LaCamas. It's a big huge "let go" experience right now.....and I'm passively, okay, okay, I'm ripping my clenched fingers from my expectations that I attach to my dreams. Oh, life......the lessons are always interesting and reveal more of me to myself.
Dot is coming along....somebody posted a quote from Buck Brannaman about being willing to go back to the beginning every time you take a horse out. Indeed, I have to be willing to go back to the beginning every time I take Miss Dot out. For me, this is about helping Dot let go of tension, and with that, we have days of square one, and days where I see the glimmer of open. Letting go.....of expectations and allowing the day......again.
Sis is ready to go....a little more than peeks once a month. However, the summer heat does not cooperate with me and so I let go, once again....same theme different dog. When the temps cool and the month of pneumonia fades to fall....Sis and I will have our lifetime to train. Instead, we work on that'll dos, lie downs, relationship mixed with fun. I love her disposition and take on life...she fits me.
Letting go....and working on enjoying the art of all that entails does not make for the most exciting of blog posts. Instead, it is life!
Seize the Day!
My life with dogs is one part letting go....mixed with two parts of being okay with letting go. Bella is still off from the accident. She is sore and still does not stride out correctly on a wide open Come Bye flank. I'm working on that......including taking her to acupuncture tomorrow. I'm looking forward to seeing what that might bring to the picture of Bella's health. Bella and I sit on the list for the finals....waiting (and letting go of expectation) to see if we get in. Bella, Nell and I sit on the waiting list (letting go) for LaCamas. It's a big huge "let go" experience right now.....and I'm passively, okay, okay, I'm ripping my clenched fingers from my expectations that I attach to my dreams. Oh, life......the lessons are always interesting and reveal more of me to myself.
Dot is coming along....somebody posted a quote from Buck Brannaman about being willing to go back to the beginning every time you take a horse out. Indeed, I have to be willing to go back to the beginning every time I take Miss Dot out. For me, this is about helping Dot let go of tension, and with that, we have days of square one, and days where I see the glimmer of open. Letting go.....of expectations and allowing the day......again.
Sis is ready to go....a little more than peeks once a month. However, the summer heat does not cooperate with me and so I let go, once again....same theme different dog. When the temps cool and the month of pneumonia fades to fall....Sis and I will have our lifetime to train. Instead, we work on that'll dos, lie downs, relationship mixed with fun. I love her disposition and take on life...she fits me.
Letting go....and working on enjoying the art of all that entails does not make for the most exciting of blog posts. Instead, it is life!
Seize the Day!
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Epiphany
e·piph·a·ny: a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality oressential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, or commonplace occurrence or experience.
The weeks have unfolded, revealing a common theme in my relationships: dogs, running, friends. It's that double edged knife....when to push, when to let go and allow. I just came back from a KK clinic; as I watched a young dog start its lifelong journey of sheepdogging, the first steps in the round pen, I listened as Kathy encouraged with a hint of warning, "Let some things go with this dog" Ah the mystery of knowing when to clean up with correction and when to allow for confidence.
This actually started two weekends ago at a sheepdog trial. One I attended because, once there, I find a bit of refuge in the shade of the trees, wind always chatting up the leaves, the newly mown grass easy to relax into. This trial gives back to Nell some of what I have taken from her by asking her to do things for me she would rather not, given a choice in the matter. The sheep like Nell, they move off her, providing her with the opportunity to enjoy her job. Her first run was stop-less...I'm pretty sure I did not get a single one. I do know for a fact that i stomped my foot in frustration at this little bullet of a dog; seven years old, trained to decent partnership, running as if she had no idea who I was, or at the least what the whistle meant. I played it out in my mind, back and forth, what would serve Nell best: should I walk? make a point in having her know that I was large and in charge? She was not rogue by any means, but she was not a partner and I actually tried a few things to see if i could get in her head a little, or at the least between those ears. (Perchance a BEAR test was in order?) We finished the course with thoughts of "I'm going to take this little rocket out and show her what a stop looks like when I get back to my Bed & Breakfast"!!!!! running through my mind. Thank God the drive included a ferry ride and lasted long enough for me to think about all that Nell had been through in the past two months. I changed my mind about the schooling and looked to myself instead.
The past few days, I watched and listened intently as dog after dog was evaluated and worked under the skillful eye of one whom i would call "mentor". Between Kathy and Jack, my foundation was formed with the "method" and mission statement they live and bring to the start of dogs. They are the rare few that bring the sheep into the forefront of what we do and why we do it when it comes to working sheepdogs. "The sheep will tell you when the dog is wrong." I study my sheep to hear what they tell me. I've also been challenged at so many clinics to be open to what the dogs are telling me too. Then it comes right back to me, whiplashing me into looking at what my pressure is doing, what my correction and tone is doing, what my timing (or lack there of) is doing, what my perfectionistic nature is doing.
"Get versus make" has been an argument I've had with myself, and Jack for that matter, since that very first double Knox clinic I attended, years ago but it might have been yesterday. My epiphany came in the form of what I felt was correcting the wrong and leaving the right, never once doing the corrections to keep the dog out of trouble. My intentions were pure, however, the end result a mirror of an outcome that did not care one hoot about my intention. The dog was not understanding the "why" of the job. All the corrections of wrong were taken, the piece I was missing was the lack of understanding. And the dinger dings: Every now and then I have to give it all back to the dog and see if they have sorted out their part of responsibility.
I go back to looking at myself....my own dogs understand me, although I've had to do some unconventional work with Dot, I've been brought around to giving back understanding to responsibility and am not afraid to go there with her. I see more readily when she is doing what I say without taking responsibility for much of anything herself. Now my journey of digging a little deeper into myself to begin to pass this baton to others and their dogs begins. I add to my over-thinking thoughts of "get vs make"....now including "get vs give". The journey continues.....
Seize the day!
The weeks have unfolded, revealing a common theme in my relationships: dogs, running, friends. It's that double edged knife....when to push, when to let go and allow. I just came back from a KK clinic; as I watched a young dog start its lifelong journey of sheepdogging, the first steps in the round pen, I listened as Kathy encouraged with a hint of warning, "Let some things go with this dog" Ah the mystery of knowing when to clean up with correction and when to allow for confidence.
This actually started two weekends ago at a sheepdog trial. One I attended because, once there, I find a bit of refuge in the shade of the trees, wind always chatting up the leaves, the newly mown grass easy to relax into. This trial gives back to Nell some of what I have taken from her by asking her to do things for me she would rather not, given a choice in the matter. The sheep like Nell, they move off her, providing her with the opportunity to enjoy her job. Her first run was stop-less...I'm pretty sure I did not get a single one. I do know for a fact that i stomped my foot in frustration at this little bullet of a dog; seven years old, trained to decent partnership, running as if she had no idea who I was, or at the least what the whistle meant. I played it out in my mind, back and forth, what would serve Nell best: should I walk? make a point in having her know that I was large and in charge? She was not rogue by any means, but she was not a partner and I actually tried a few things to see if i could get in her head a little, or at the least between those ears. (Perchance a BEAR test was in order?) We finished the course with thoughts of "I'm going to take this little rocket out and show her what a stop looks like when I get back to my Bed & Breakfast"!!!!! running through my mind. Thank God the drive included a ferry ride and lasted long enough for me to think about all that Nell had been through in the past two months. I changed my mind about the schooling and looked to myself instead.
The past few days, I watched and listened intently as dog after dog was evaluated and worked under the skillful eye of one whom i would call "mentor". Between Kathy and Jack, my foundation was formed with the "method" and mission statement they live and bring to the start of dogs. They are the rare few that bring the sheep into the forefront of what we do and why we do it when it comes to working sheepdogs. "The sheep will tell you when the dog is wrong." I study my sheep to hear what they tell me. I've also been challenged at so many clinics to be open to what the dogs are telling me too. Then it comes right back to me, whiplashing me into looking at what my pressure is doing, what my correction and tone is doing, what my timing (or lack there of) is doing, what my perfectionistic nature is doing.
"Get versus make" has been an argument I've had with myself, and Jack for that matter, since that very first double Knox clinic I attended, years ago but it might have been yesterday. My epiphany came in the form of what I felt was correcting the wrong and leaving the right, never once doing the corrections to keep the dog out of trouble. My intentions were pure, however, the end result a mirror of an outcome that did not care one hoot about my intention. The dog was not understanding the "why" of the job. All the corrections of wrong were taken, the piece I was missing was the lack of understanding. And the dinger dings: Every now and then I have to give it all back to the dog and see if they have sorted out their part of responsibility.
I go back to looking at myself....my own dogs understand me, although I've had to do some unconventional work with Dot, I've been brought around to giving back understanding to responsibility and am not afraid to go there with her. I see more readily when she is doing what I say without taking responsibility for much of anything herself. Now my journey of digging a little deeper into myself to begin to pass this baton to others and their dogs begins. I add to my over-thinking thoughts of "get vs make"....now including "get vs give". The journey continues.....
Seize the day!
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Right Here in the Middle
This post has nothing to do with sheepdoggin' and yet it has everything to do with sheepdoggin'. It's a bed time, fairytale of a story that starts like this:
It began last fall, when I sat down and really thought about the fact that, in 2014, I would celebrate a milestone birthday. As always the good and disciplined over-thinker, I started pondering my life and what I wanted to do to celebrate the amazing unfolding of my story. I wanted to do something very radical, something way out of anything I thought I could ever do and so I decided to run a half marathon at a Disney Park.
Now, having never really run before, and for sure, having never liked it the few times I tried, I knew it would take a lot of courage, digging deep and sorting out of myself. I bought a "couch to 5K" book and read it, from start to finish. I then lamented to a friend, "I can't do this! I can't run a 5K let alone a half marathon". She gently suggested I start reading the book again, but instead of hurrying through to the end, maybe just turn one page at a time and live that page. She assured me the rest would take care of itself. And so I began, running a minute (sure my iPhone timer had broken because, truly, it was the longest minutes of my life) and walking three; round and round my back yard with the dogs cheering me one with glee. My minutes began to get longer, so I moved it out to the ranch where I walked and ran (my coach calling it "wogging") around my pastures. Yes, I hired a coach to guide me and hold me accountable....somebody who had been there and done that to hold the hand of this serious never before runner. My son "caught" me one day and I had to confess to him my shenanigans. As the minutes of running got longer, I began to hit the road.
Eventually I had to get my family involved in my plan. There were races to run to prepare me for the big dance and I needed help to pull my plan off. It's not like I wanted to be secretive, it was just that the journey of finding myself was so private. I did not want anyone "trying" to hold me accountable or quizzing me on my progress. I wanted to dig deep and do the hard work for myself. I found myself taking baby steps into the knowing of the world of me. My first race was a 5k to benefit the K-9 police unit in Stayton......my biggest fear of being last with the race closed down before I could cross the finish line was just that...an unfounded fear.
I've now finished three 5K's all together, my favorite one run on Mother's day where I ran like a mother and had a good strong plan that I stuck to. I'm headed to a few 10K's to see what is next with the added milage. I love the long runs of my training....they ground me. I find my mind wandering all over the place, solving dog training issues, working through thoughts until I find my mind settled into a good rhythm of footsteps and breath... a stillness that I have longed for. I've cried a few tears over my speed work. I want it right now and perfect by the way and I have to find forgiveness and compassion for myself and my shortcomings. I am my hardest and most critical evaluator....I'm working on that. I see so much of the dogs and their work in my running; although they are genetically gifted for their task.
My trip to Wyoming turned out to be something other than what I had dreamed of when I made those original plans. Bella was sore, Nell was sick of me....the journey was more about me finding joy in the journey than it was about any placement, point outcome. My runs were priceless:
I'm over half way there: 9 miles being my longest run at this point. As I look at myself from the inside out, I know I have only begun to scratch the surface of finding myself....little bits of me are picked up on the roads I run. My speed work shows me those dragon parts of myself.....the doubts and other feelings I find hard to put in words. I know I don't HAVE to do this, but then again, I know I do.
I'll be running my half marathon January 18th 2015 at Disneyland....my family cheering me on. I have both inside and outside work to do....I continue to pick up the pieces of me. I'll be running for St. Jude's Children Hospital......for every day I have lived the most amazing life, I want to join in helping to allow others to do the same.
If you want to become a part of my team of sponsors here is the link to donate:
http://fundraising.stjude.org/site/TR/Heroes/Heroes?px=2690313&pg=personal&fr_id=22590
If the time is not right, I understand but I could still use your moral support as I train.
This journey of life is truly amazing.......made ever sweeter by those who share the road. Thank you for sharing mine.
Seize the Day!
It began last fall, when I sat down and really thought about the fact that, in 2014, I would celebrate a milestone birthday. As always the good and disciplined over-thinker, I started pondering my life and what I wanted to do to celebrate the amazing unfolding of my story. I wanted to do something very radical, something way out of anything I thought I could ever do and so I decided to run a half marathon at a Disney Park.
Now, having never really run before, and for sure, having never liked it the few times I tried, I knew it would take a lot of courage, digging deep and sorting out of myself. I bought a "couch to 5K" book and read it, from start to finish. I then lamented to a friend, "I can't do this! I can't run a 5K let alone a half marathon". She gently suggested I start reading the book again, but instead of hurrying through to the end, maybe just turn one page at a time and live that page. She assured me the rest would take care of itself. And so I began, running a minute (sure my iPhone timer had broken because, truly, it was the longest minutes of my life) and walking three; round and round my back yard with the dogs cheering me one with glee. My minutes began to get longer, so I moved it out to the ranch where I walked and ran (my coach calling it "wogging") around my pastures. Yes, I hired a coach to guide me and hold me accountable....somebody who had been there and done that to hold the hand of this serious never before runner. My son "caught" me one day and I had to confess to him my shenanigans. As the minutes of running got longer, I began to hit the road.
Eventually I had to get my family involved in my plan. There were races to run to prepare me for the big dance and I needed help to pull my plan off. It's not like I wanted to be secretive, it was just that the journey of finding myself was so private. I did not want anyone "trying" to hold me accountable or quizzing me on my progress. I wanted to dig deep and do the hard work for myself. I found myself taking baby steps into the knowing of the world of me. My first race was a 5k to benefit the K-9 police unit in Stayton......my biggest fear of being last with the race closed down before I could cross the finish line was just that...an unfounded fear.
 |
| Race #1 |
My trip to Wyoming turned out to be something other than what I had dreamed of when I made those original plans. Bella was sore, Nell was sick of me....the journey was more about me finding joy in the journey than it was about any placement, point outcome. My runs were priceless:
 |
| running in Idaho |
 |
| ranch running outside Buffalo, Wyoming |
 |
| running the trails of Buffalo, Wyoming |
 |
| Kaycee, Wyoming's red road running |
 |
| the roads of home |
If you want to become a part of my team of sponsors here is the link to donate:
http://fundraising.stjude.org/site/TR/Heroes/Heroes?px=2690313&pg=personal&fr_id=22590
If the time is not right, I understand but I could still use your moral support as I train.
This journey of life is truly amazing.......made ever sweeter by those who share the road. Thank you for sharing mine.
Seize the Day!
Monday, May 19, 2014
Back in the Saddle
I really loved how the girls ran for me this weekend. Yep, I'm back in the saddle, hanging out at the post, running the girls at sheepdog trials. Nell has become such a partner; we are finding the ability to get things back together when they go wrong which has been and will always be a goal of mine. Not that I don't strive for "perfect" mind you.....but when things go wrong, the getting it back together is progress from the stinking it up the whole way around we've seen.
Bella got around twice and I am so happy to have her out running and trying. We have work to do. Today we head back to the PT's office, as it might be physical work that needs done. Her runs were like driving a car with no breaks (our go-to under pressure maybe) and the ability to turn only one way well. It's not like Bella to not open up a come bye flank close at hand...say the pen......when I make my point. I'll go have her checked out and see what I can do to help her be more comfortable with the stride out on that left side. I cannot express how thankful I am she ran and ran sound! The detailed picking of that flank is the best of starting points for trialing....we will find our rhythm and get back into sync and I will do the physical work necessary to get her back to feeling 100%.
Stepping back into the trial world after a brief hiatus was a bit like being sugar free for 8 months and going to a grocery store........the bakery isle whispers to me: german chocolate slices of cake, maple bars, blueberry muffins, and even the darn bagels can look at me with bedroom eyes. I've learned to just not go there.....I don't even use the bakery section to get the the deli section....there are safer routes to travel. I can and do spend time in the produce section and allow myself to go hog-wild with honey crisp apples and kale. Such is life at sheepdog trials.....
I got an email from a sports psychologist I love reading just before I headed out the door to run dogs Saturday morning. She spoke of a disease I've actually contracted in the past and one I have to work to prevent relapse in myself......it's called the Disease of Me. "When you have the disease of me, your confidence is not real. It's not based on your skills, your results, or your resilience. It is based on your PERCEIVED superiority to everyone else." This disease seems to be more prevalent in the world of competition; its not isolated to any one sport and sheepdog trialing is not exempt. "All unhappiness is caused by comparison"
I also see a secondary, and almost more fatal disease beginning to rear its ugly head.....the Disease of You. That's where a person will have the Disease of Me and want to have company in their misery so the PERCEIVED superiority is shared with others that have not asked for any input. Not that handlers don't need mentoring....just not from those who do it from the point of making themselves look like Gods.
I was talking with a gal at the recent sheepdog trial, and she confessed to me that, this year, her goal is to really enjoy her dogs and their runs. This was not the excuse of somebody who can't get around well; instead they focus on the good in their run and don't address what needs attention.....this comment came from a top competitor who routinely puts down runs that make a person sit, watch, and make notes. This weekend, her runs were astounding! Was it the change in focus or did her dogs just mature over the winter? Did her dogs feel the release of pressure and find their best in the support coming from the post?? I do believe that this might be one of those magical moments where "right focus" creates winning.
It's that double edge sword though...you can't say, "fine I will have "right focus" so I can win". "Curing the Disease of Me can free you from envy, unhappiness, and under-performance. You see other athletes as an inspiration, not a threat. Of course the quickest and easiest way to cure the Disease of Me is to stop living in fear that someone else will surpass you. This means concentration on your game, not someones else's game." ~L Brown
That and stay out of the bakery section at the grocery store......
Seize the Day!!!
Bella got around twice and I am so happy to have her out running and trying. We have work to do. Today we head back to the PT's office, as it might be physical work that needs done. Her runs were like driving a car with no breaks (our go-to under pressure maybe) and the ability to turn only one way well. It's not like Bella to not open up a come bye flank close at hand...say the pen......when I make my point. I'll go have her checked out and see what I can do to help her be more comfortable with the stride out on that left side. I cannot express how thankful I am she ran and ran sound! The detailed picking of that flank is the best of starting points for trialing....we will find our rhythm and get back into sync and I will do the physical work necessary to get her back to feeling 100%.
Stepping back into the trial world after a brief hiatus was a bit like being sugar free for 8 months and going to a grocery store........the bakery isle whispers to me: german chocolate slices of cake, maple bars, blueberry muffins, and even the darn bagels can look at me with bedroom eyes. I've learned to just not go there.....I don't even use the bakery section to get the the deli section....there are safer routes to travel. I can and do spend time in the produce section and allow myself to go hog-wild with honey crisp apples and kale. Such is life at sheepdog trials.....
I got an email from a sports psychologist I love reading just before I headed out the door to run dogs Saturday morning. She spoke of a disease I've actually contracted in the past and one I have to work to prevent relapse in myself......it's called the Disease of Me. "When you have the disease of me, your confidence is not real. It's not based on your skills, your results, or your resilience. It is based on your PERCEIVED superiority to everyone else." This disease seems to be more prevalent in the world of competition; its not isolated to any one sport and sheepdog trialing is not exempt. "All unhappiness is caused by comparison"
I also see a secondary, and almost more fatal disease beginning to rear its ugly head.....the Disease of You. That's where a person will have the Disease of Me and want to have company in their misery so the PERCEIVED superiority is shared with others that have not asked for any input. Not that handlers don't need mentoring....just not from those who do it from the point of making themselves look like Gods.
I was talking with a gal at the recent sheepdog trial, and she confessed to me that, this year, her goal is to really enjoy her dogs and their runs. This was not the excuse of somebody who can't get around well; instead they focus on the good in their run and don't address what needs attention.....this comment came from a top competitor who routinely puts down runs that make a person sit, watch, and make notes. This weekend, her runs were astounding! Was it the change in focus or did her dogs just mature over the winter? Did her dogs feel the release of pressure and find their best in the support coming from the post?? I do believe that this might be one of those magical moments where "right focus" creates winning.
It's that double edge sword though...you can't say, "fine I will have "right focus" so I can win". "Curing the Disease of Me can free you from envy, unhappiness, and under-performance. You see other athletes as an inspiration, not a threat. Of course the quickest and easiest way to cure the Disease of Me is to stop living in fear that someone else will surpass you. This means concentration on your game, not someones else's game." ~L Brown
That and stay out of the bakery section at the grocery store......
Seize the Day!!!
Saturday, May 3, 2014
Drinking Lemonade...
The valley has been unseasonably hot and I keep a watchful eye on the flock: radical temperature changes seem to invite the likes of pneumonia and cocci and the dreaded "just lay down and die for no good reason" disease that sheep seem to get on occasion. My culls keep their gifts to themselves and I wonder if I might be that "crazy sheep lady"...obsessed with udders, vulvas and watching. This year, I have new neighbors and a smaller flock than years gone by....I now have three nice, tall green grass fields with trees for shade and that makes for happy sheep that can't quite get all the mowing done. I'll wean this week and with that, phase one of the Rocking Dog Ranch plan for the future starts: cull hard, no lambing, small flock over winter, buy in lambs and culls for spring. Doors begin to close...and I'm back to the theme of watching for windows.
Bella is doing PT now.....that plus laser twice a week and massages every night before bed has promoted Bella to Princess Bella, thank you very much. She still has a hitch in her giddy up on a few steps but I wonder how much that might be habit as it is a dab of tender. I do 'close at hand' work with her; easy work and she opened up her come bye flank last night without my reminder......she is getting there.
Dot has had a very exciting spring with her meeting three top handlers and getting their autographs. With Dot, I continue to dig into the "make" versus "get" theory of life through dogs with a new twist; I've added "tell". That 'tell, make, get" is a heady cocktail; the fumes from the mixing rising up and almost making me lose my way into the world of responsibility and understanding of the job. My biggest challenge right now it to look at what my correction and my asking is doing to my dog(s). And in the blink of an eye, I am right back to this whole darn dog journey being about me. I soldier on, I know what I want with each of my dogs and that is: relationship and each of us understanding the dance of being accountable for our part of the journey.
I've pondered many a moment of pondering about "gracefully letting go of what is not meant for me". How do I know what is meant for me and what is not meant for me? When I sign up for a trial, I get into the mode of sports psychology, dreaming of how the trip will unfold, visualizing runs, preparing for the good and what might happen in between. I don't vacation in the way others might, so often my road trip trial extravaganzas become my getting away from it all vacation time. Sometimes I find when the going gets tough, I need to just dig deeper, want it more, find out who I really am with letting go of all distractions to get there and run. Then there are other times when I need to let go, change plans, rest. Finding the balance in all that is challenging me right now, but it is a good challenge. I know it is life....not just dogs but all of life.
Lemonade is very refreshing!
Seize the Day.
Bella is doing PT now.....that plus laser twice a week and massages every night before bed has promoted Bella to Princess Bella, thank you very much. She still has a hitch in her giddy up on a few steps but I wonder how much that might be habit as it is a dab of tender. I do 'close at hand' work with her; easy work and she opened up her come bye flank last night without my reminder......she is getting there.
Dot has had a very exciting spring with her meeting three top handlers and getting their autographs. With Dot, I continue to dig into the "make" versus "get" theory of life through dogs with a new twist; I've added "tell". That 'tell, make, get" is a heady cocktail; the fumes from the mixing rising up and almost making me lose my way into the world of responsibility and understanding of the job. My biggest challenge right now it to look at what my correction and my asking is doing to my dog(s). And in the blink of an eye, I am right back to this whole darn dog journey being about me. I soldier on, I know what I want with each of my dogs and that is: relationship and each of us understanding the dance of being accountable for our part of the journey.
I've pondered many a moment of pondering about "gracefully letting go of what is not meant for me". How do I know what is meant for me and what is not meant for me? When I sign up for a trial, I get into the mode of sports psychology, dreaming of how the trip will unfold, visualizing runs, preparing for the good and what might happen in between. I don't vacation in the way others might, so often my road trip trial extravaganzas become my getting away from it all vacation time. Sometimes I find when the going gets tough, I need to just dig deeper, want it more, find out who I really am with letting go of all distractions to get there and run. Then there are other times when I need to let go, change plans, rest. Finding the balance in all that is challenging me right now, but it is a good challenge. I know it is life....not just dogs but all of life.
Lemonade is very refreshing!
Seize the Day.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
RDR Style.....When a Door Shuts...
A Window Opens. I think I just have to be ready for finding the window. I'm not sure "finding the window" is actual pursuing but I do believe "being open to" is action as well.
I love this quote by Buddha ~
In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.
I ponder this.....how am I to know what IS meant for me and what is NOT meant for me? My grand plans of hitting the road came to a screeching halt as Bella limped the sheep to me on a short fetch, my friend watching to asses movement. Pretty silly because he did not need to asses....it was as plain as the pockets on my jeans....Bella had not healed and I needed to pry my bony fingers, that had their tight grasp on MY plans, off what might not have been meant for me. I'd been looking forward to getting away for so long; not just a weekend, but three Divine Weeks of "away".
This was not about Bella's injury, nor my part in that. It was and is about me and how easy it is to say Buddha like words when life goes as I planned and desired....yet how, with each degree of separation from the map I've laid out, my grip tightens and I fight. Too honest for some, allows for judgement from others, but hell, this is my life........and maybe just maybe by sharing my honest feelings, I will be a help to someone working on loosening their grip also.
So a friend mentioned that I had things to be thankful for in the "staying home" quick detour of my life's map. I believe those might be my windows......
1) The cull ewes are thankful.....the bred girls were slated for a trip to the buyers yesterday had I been heading out on my door trip. I could not leave cull ewes lambing to my friends who check the ranch. These girls have now bought themselves another month to deliver their "gift with purchase". Get with the program, girls but not until tomorrow when the sun is supposed to shine!
2) Sis is turning four months on the 1st. Giving her another month to grow up and be used to days on end in her crate in the truck is another window opportunity. That plus I would have been going it alone and it's always nice to have a friend to help with a puppy.
3) It's always nice to travel with a friend...who can provide the best of conversations to keep the truck time interesting. I was going this trip alone with a few books on CD......not a bad way to travel but I prefer a copilot that can keep me awake and the boogie man away!
4) I have a few old dogs here at home that are getting older. Snook has been loosing control of her back left leg...it will be good to spend time with her while I still can because I have no idea how much longer I'll have her.
The list could go on..it's a good exercise to look at what I have to be grateful for in the detour I am forced to take. Here's the deal.....I don't believe disappointment is a bad thing. I live life pretty darn passionately, doing all I can to squeeze out what I can from each day. I make plans, and dream of what will come from those plans.....friends I get to spend time with, beauty I've not seen before, opportunities for improving relationships with each of my dogs, runs to be had, finding areas in myself that have either strengthened or need more attention (sometimes being on the road really allows me time with myself). Being disappointed also does not lessen what other's have gone through. I guess I've worked hard on making my life about me and not about comparing to other's lives......I have no intent on diminishing and minimizing what other's have gone through. I'm just disappointed is all and thankfully this will not last.
Bella has a PT appointment on Monday, in addition to all the massages, laser treatments, and walks we've been doing.....she's getting to see her favorite clinician. I'm very thankful Bella is alive and will run again one day. She would run now for me, limp and all, and I wonder what, if anything, I have done to deserve such loyalty from my friend. But this in not really about Bella, this is about me gracefully letting go of the things not meant for me. And THAT might take a lifetime.....
Gracefully Seizing the Day!
Friday, April 18, 2014
"Trying" Days
2014 goals included:
*Raise a puppy......man oh man, is this turning out to be one wild and crazy ride of learning to mold the mind of one very clever puppy! I'm starting a list of all the things she has taught me......I'll post that later as said list grows pretty much every day. One thing is for certain, I need to keep my bras in a drawer and that drawer shut! Enough said!
*Get healthy.....this one sounded easier and simpler than what it is turning out to be. Fine by me, I've got some house cleaning to do. Days gone by "healthy" meant "loose some weight", "exercise a little"; instead I find myself, shovel, rake, pick, and broom in hand, cleaning out my heart and mind. Attacking and mucking as I would the barn. Too bad I can't fit the tractor in there....it is hard, yet good, satisfying, fulfilling work. Progress is measure incrementally; and care is taken to not be making messes along side the cleaning.
*Follow a well thought out plan for lambing.......hahahahaha! I guess I must be good at lambing because it stays with me like fresh sheep pooh stink on a 3 1/2 month old puppy! I'm lambing again, and with the Douala job comes the highs and lows of life....at their extremes. As much as I try, I can NOT "not care". Instead I try to find the balance between NOT over-caring while doing what I know to do and NOT beating myself up when things are not perfect.
I was chatting with a good friend yesterday, intermittently, small tid bits of feelings shared when each of us had time amidst a busy day. What am I to learn from this......never ending lambing seasons married to the lambing out of someone else's cull sheep. I've felt "stuck" in the movie Groundhogs Day....hitting the alarm clock and living similar experiences each spring with lambing seasons seeming endless. I'm now on take five, I believe; different versions of the same story. One year, the ram broke out into the open ewes I keep for dog work.....lambing went on and on. Another year, I used CIDRs on the ewes and a marker on the ram. Once all the ewes were marked, I slipped into the comfort of "knowing" exactly what day each ewe was bred meanwhile leaving the ram with his harem to keep him happy until lambs appeared....lambing went on and on that year too! Yet another year, I brought in some skinny old hags of some shepherds sharp pen of culling. Needless to say, they WERE open, but my good and kindhearted friend, who would give the shirt off her back to her peeps, hauled a ram for another friend in the same trailer with the ewes. Convenience and keeping that ram happy, left him in a pasture with the girls until he was hauled to his new home......and the lambing went on and on that year too! I've hit the alarm clock and its 2014......first lamb of round two hit the ground yesterday....I'm off and running, hoping to get it right this time.
*Find Peace.....or in the negative....stay away from Drama! This goal has had me attempting to limit my Facebook time.....seems FB really brings out the drama for me. On the one hand, it is nice to read about other people and their "challenges" in life......makes me feel a little bit more, hmmm, well normal. On the other hand, part of my barn cleaning is setting healthy boundaries and surrounding myself with those who come along side to share the journey of finding answers that are healthy and keep me headed in the direction of my goals: GET HEALTHY! As I pondered this past weeks extravagant helpings I've been served up for life, I cannot help but let my mind slip into "what have I done to deserve this?" mode. Am I living the payment of some karmic debt that I owe from something I did last week, last year, last lifetime? Am I being "tested" to see what I am made of, how bad I want it, or how far I will go to get it? Is my Creator tell me to hang up my crook, sell the sheep, watch reality TV during the day and get a boob job?
These questions don't just come about from Never Ending Lambing either. Last Wednesday, I wrapped my Bella around a piece of cattle panel and put 25 stitches in her left shoulder. The second it happened, I knew......I took off running into the bottom pasture where her outrun had propelled her, three legged, asking for that "lie down" we've been working on and getting it, thankfully, on the first command. I lay with her, compressing her shoulder, slowing her heart rate, wondering what the hell I was going to do. How could I, one person, keep her bleeding controlled, hold her shoulder together, while carrying her to the truck some 250 yards away. We lay there, Bella and me......and I realized yet again so many of the epiphanies I always seem to promise to remember as they slide into the "taken for granted" corners of my cobweb infested mind. My good friends began to show up for their day of sheep work; each of them working together to help me.....bandages brought down, tears dried, phone calls made to cancel the day and make room at the vet's.
"Trying" days"......LIFE! I don't think we manifest all of our "trying days". I don't think we are paying karmic debt, nor do I believe we "deserve" them. I believe they happen......trying days happen to everyone regardless of belief or goodness. We cannot escape them, wish them away, protect ourselves from them. We can learn from them but learning does not prevent more and different "trying days" from coming around.....because they will come around until we breath our last breath. Trying days are the yang to fabulous days and I surely don't want to live without those!
Here's what I am learning, again and again much like my lambing: 1) I have a choice in my "trying days"....I don't get to choose them, but I do get to choose how I will participate in them! I get to choose how I look at them, how they make me feel, if I let them turn to drama. I get to choose my attitude and behavior....if I try to eat them away, or sleep them away, blame them away or bitch them away. I can choose to bring others into them; to help find answers, to share in the journey, to find some sympathy, or feed my ego. I can laugh at them and learn from them and find a bit of what is to be thankful for amidst them. I can CHOOSE MY ATTITUDE. 2) FRIENDS are priceless......I'm so thankful for the good friends that I have. My "trying days" magnify both.....my attitude and the work that needs done there.... my friends who come along to walk beside me as I TRY.
Bella is going to be fine. My plans are needing some adjusting as she mends and I am practicing the art of letting go mixed with patience. The cattle panel has been removed...and those that are gate opening are being padded. And me, well you can find me in the lambing barn working on my attitude all the while being thankful for my friends. One down....nine to go......
Seize the Day!!!!!
*Raise a puppy......man oh man, is this turning out to be one wild and crazy ride of learning to mold the mind of one very clever puppy! I'm starting a list of all the things she has taught me......I'll post that later as said list grows pretty much every day. One thing is for certain, I need to keep my bras in a drawer and that drawer shut! Enough said!
*Get healthy.....this one sounded easier and simpler than what it is turning out to be. Fine by me, I've got some house cleaning to do. Days gone by "healthy" meant "loose some weight", "exercise a little"; instead I find myself, shovel, rake, pick, and broom in hand, cleaning out my heart and mind. Attacking and mucking as I would the barn. Too bad I can't fit the tractor in there....it is hard, yet good, satisfying, fulfilling work. Progress is measure incrementally; and care is taken to not be making messes along side the cleaning.
*Follow a well thought out plan for lambing.......hahahahaha! I guess I must be good at lambing because it stays with me like fresh sheep pooh stink on a 3 1/2 month old puppy! I'm lambing again, and with the Douala job comes the highs and lows of life....at their extremes. As much as I try, I can NOT "not care". Instead I try to find the balance between NOT over-caring while doing what I know to do and NOT beating myself up when things are not perfect.
I was chatting with a good friend yesterday, intermittently, small tid bits of feelings shared when each of us had time amidst a busy day. What am I to learn from this......never ending lambing seasons married to the lambing out of someone else's cull sheep. I've felt "stuck" in the movie Groundhogs Day....hitting the alarm clock and living similar experiences each spring with lambing seasons seeming endless. I'm now on take five, I believe; different versions of the same story. One year, the ram broke out into the open ewes I keep for dog work.....lambing went on and on. Another year, I used CIDRs on the ewes and a marker on the ram. Once all the ewes were marked, I slipped into the comfort of "knowing" exactly what day each ewe was bred meanwhile leaving the ram with his harem to keep him happy until lambs appeared....lambing went on and on that year too! Yet another year, I brought in some skinny old hags of some shepherds sharp pen of culling. Needless to say, they WERE open, but my good and kindhearted friend, who would give the shirt off her back to her peeps, hauled a ram for another friend in the same trailer with the ewes. Convenience and keeping that ram happy, left him in a pasture with the girls until he was hauled to his new home......and the lambing went on and on that year too! I've hit the alarm clock and its 2014......first lamb of round two hit the ground yesterday....I'm off and running, hoping to get it right this time.
*Find Peace.....or in the negative....stay away from Drama! This goal has had me attempting to limit my Facebook time.....seems FB really brings out the drama for me. On the one hand, it is nice to read about other people and their "challenges" in life......makes me feel a little bit more, hmmm, well normal. On the other hand, part of my barn cleaning is setting healthy boundaries and surrounding myself with those who come along side to share the journey of finding answers that are healthy and keep me headed in the direction of my goals: GET HEALTHY! As I pondered this past weeks extravagant helpings I've been served up for life, I cannot help but let my mind slip into "what have I done to deserve this?" mode. Am I living the payment of some karmic debt that I owe from something I did last week, last year, last lifetime? Am I being "tested" to see what I am made of, how bad I want it, or how far I will go to get it? Is my Creator tell me to hang up my crook, sell the sheep, watch reality TV during the day and get a boob job?
These questions don't just come about from Never Ending Lambing either. Last Wednesday, I wrapped my Bella around a piece of cattle panel and put 25 stitches in her left shoulder. The second it happened, I knew......I took off running into the bottom pasture where her outrun had propelled her, three legged, asking for that "lie down" we've been working on and getting it, thankfully, on the first command. I lay with her, compressing her shoulder, slowing her heart rate, wondering what the hell I was going to do. How could I, one person, keep her bleeding controlled, hold her shoulder together, while carrying her to the truck some 250 yards away. We lay there, Bella and me......and I realized yet again so many of the epiphanies I always seem to promise to remember as they slide into the "taken for granted" corners of my cobweb infested mind. My good friends began to show up for their day of sheep work; each of them working together to help me.....bandages brought down, tears dried, phone calls made to cancel the day and make room at the vet's.
"Trying" days"......LIFE! I don't think we manifest all of our "trying days". I don't think we are paying karmic debt, nor do I believe we "deserve" them. I believe they happen......trying days happen to everyone regardless of belief or goodness. We cannot escape them, wish them away, protect ourselves from them. We can learn from them but learning does not prevent more and different "trying days" from coming around.....because they will come around until we breath our last breath. Trying days are the yang to fabulous days and I surely don't want to live without those!
Here's what I am learning, again and again much like my lambing: 1) I have a choice in my "trying days"....I don't get to choose them, but I do get to choose how I will participate in them! I get to choose how I look at them, how they make me feel, if I let them turn to drama. I get to choose my attitude and behavior....if I try to eat them away, or sleep them away, blame them away or bitch them away. I can choose to bring others into them; to help find answers, to share in the journey, to find some sympathy, or feed my ego. I can laugh at them and learn from them and find a bit of what is to be thankful for amidst them. I can CHOOSE MY ATTITUDE. 2) FRIENDS are priceless......I'm so thankful for the good friends that I have. My "trying days" magnify both.....my attitude and the work that needs done there.... my friends who come along to walk beside me as I TRY.
Bella is going to be fine. My plans are needing some adjusting as she mends and I am practicing the art of letting go mixed with patience. The cattle panel has been removed...and those that are gate opening are being padded. And me, well you can find me in the lambing barn working on my attitude all the while being thankful for my friends. One down....nine to go......
Seize the Day!!!!!
Monday, April 14, 2014
Doors and Windows
I've been putting it off.....for as long as I knew my shotgun side-seat driving friend could not go along. I've tossed and turned, shed a few tears, and grieved a little.....this morning I got up and pulled out of the Bluegrass. I've competed in the Bluegrass for the past two years and really love the trial. Kentucky is beautiful, if not hot, living on the edge with tornadoes and thunderstorms not seen here in the West. And the competition, wowzer!! Three lambs on a big field, each run a mini-clinic in handling!
I know there are times in life where "what you want to do" and "what you really do" are lessons in letting go. I also understand that there are times in life where a person has to dig deep and ask "how bad do YOU want it?" soldiering ahead and sacrificing to achieve a goal. Finding the balance between going and staying, buying and selling, moving and keeping still, training and recuperating are fine and personal lines.
I've also learned that "when a door is shut, a window is open" so I will keep my eyes wide open for the view through the window as I head out to new lands that have been on my list of "Oh the Places You'll Go". Wyoming beckons to me this year; new adventures to savor and new places to run. No looking back and wishing, no "coulda, shoulda, woulda". I'm going to miss the Bluegrass but I will root from home! And while I am cheering on and watching scores, I'll fondly relive all those sweet memories of my trips to Kentucky!
Seize the Day!
I know there are times in life where "what you want to do" and "what you really do" are lessons in letting go. I also understand that there are times in life where a person has to dig deep and ask "how bad do YOU want it?" soldiering ahead and sacrificing to achieve a goal. Finding the balance between going and staying, buying and selling, moving and keeping still, training and recuperating are fine and personal lines.
I've also learned that "when a door is shut, a window is open" so I will keep my eyes wide open for the view through the window as I head out to new lands that have been on my list of "Oh the Places You'll Go". Wyoming beckons to me this year; new adventures to savor and new places to run. No looking back and wishing, no "coulda, shoulda, woulda". I'm going to miss the Bluegrass but I will root from home! And while I am cheering on and watching scores, I'll fondly relive all those sweet memories of my trips to Kentucky!
Seize the Day!
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Everybody Wants To Go To Heaven
Life's a country song, so they say. Kenny Chesney sings:
"Everybody wants to go to heaven
Get their wings and fly around
Everybody want to go to heaven
But nobody want to go now"
"Everybody wants to go to heaven
Get their wings and fly around
Everybody want to go to heaven
But nobody want to go now"
Exactly right, everybody wants to go to Heaven but nobody wants to go now. I've shared I am reading three books right now: one on sport's psychology, one on mental management and the other I'm actually listening to in the truck and it's about living life. I found a quote I can not stop thinking on...."I love the journey as much as the destination." Really, when I think about life, my last destination will be my coffin and I'd like to take as much time getting there as I can. Better keep to the task of loving the journey!!! In the past, I've lived destination to destination.....I'm working on building my "journey/process muscle memory".
Last blog entry I misquoted so I will quote again and get it right. It's really worthy of another look:
There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle. – Albert Einstein
I've had the opportunity to talk to many sheepdog handlers over the years and as I share about my longing for my scores and placements to not define me, my longing for finding the learning opportunities in each outing with each dog, my longing to find the miracles in each day....I hear how easy it is to cross the line into burnout when pushing towards a life where destination trumps journey. I think in sheepdog trailing, it is different than say being an Olympic Athlete where a person only gets so many years to attempt being THE BEST. With sheepdogs, each new dog that comes into our lives gives us the next shot at achieving our dreams. Many of us have a number of dogs, each in different stages of competition which means our life of being competitive could be all the way to our end destination if we so choose and find a bit of good health along the way. How do I find joy in the journey and not loose myself in the competition, caring about scores, when I compete weekend after weekend, year after year?
I've been asked to dig deep into the "why" am i sheepdog trialing. Really digging deep into the "why" is challenging. Every time I come up with an answer, I ask myself, "what else, why else?" With much appreciation and gratitude to those who have helped mold me, my "why's" have changed, radically in the past few years. My "why's" bring me joy now, instead of leaving lack; the why's bring me back to being true to myself and focusing on relationships. i can rest in a run knowing I have put forth my best effort for the day and the process of the journey.
"After you have shifted your focus from “perfect” to “best,” ask yourself: “Did I get better today? Did I move another step towards my goal, my full potential?” ~ Beecham, Stan
I think Stan might have nailed me...."perfect"...oh how I long to be perfect. As I let go of the idea of perfect, best feels so much more attainable and supportive of my journey. Did i get better today? Have I found things to work on to help me be better? Baby steps to reaching my full potential.........I love the journey as much as I love the destination!
Seize the Day!
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Rambling Around the Hills
"No matter who you are or how successful you have become, you will have another bad day. Accept it and move on." ~ Stan Beecham
The beginning of the trial season is here! What has been the dreams of the winter becomes the reality of the now. It does not matter if the days preceding were filled with training or time away from preparation, the trial season is indifferent to personal readiness. Yet, opportunity remains abundant; opportunity for learning, assessing, growing, succeeding, working on "right" focus. For me, I know if I base my identity and self worth on a score, I will live an empty life full of ups and downs. I can't always run at my peek, my dogs can't always run at their peek, together expecting peek performance weekend in and weekend out is...well, for one thing not realistic and, for another, is ego driven. (I am still talking about "for me" btw). The time has come; I feel the need to hang up my excuses and live in the now; not living in past accomplishments or disappointments, letting go of the preplan of "how I will do" at trials ahead. I know my character is formed, my learning curve sharped, opportunity to improve upon relationships are given by any run.
"What is to give light must endure burning" ~ Viktor Frankl
I'm re-evaluating my ranch and how to proceed into the future. Letting go of what I love is hard but I do know that I need to embrace the seasons. Letting go feels a lot like burning. On the one hand, burning the internal rubbish is good and cleansing. However, there is that burn that happens when there are two good and equal choices, the one let go of can feel a lot like loss. I think I'll try not lambing next year and see how that works and feels. Well, unless I buy in some bred cull ewes that always seem to come "gift with purchase" when I buy them.
"Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle" ~ Abraham Lincoln
Hustle, amazing word. I'm reading a new book on mental management and the focus of today's chapter is: finding flow. So instead of hustling against the stream, which creates the illusion that a person is giving 110% only because it is hard work paddling against the current, I want to hustle with flow. Which then brings me back to burning the things in my life that don't serve me but create current and hinder me from going with the flow. Sometimes words like "flow" and "timing" and "letting go" appear to be the antithesis of "hustle"....and yet not. Hustle for me is doing all that needs to be done in preparation that will allow flow. For example, an unfit dog can't get around a course, so we condition. Hustle becomes the vehicle which allows the easy of flow. Those days when i don't really "feel" like doing what it takes to achieve my dreams....those are the days when I'd like to "wait" on the 13.1 to come to me......hustle!
"There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle" ~ Abraham Lincoln
My two weeks that surrounded Heppner and Zamora were filled with miracles that could only be found when I opened myself to what each day had to show me. My dogs were partners, my puppy a trouper, my friends good and true, the road and hills filled with amazing beauty atop those hard to climb inclines and hills. I wonder about competition; my new book wants me to find the why's in what I do. Funny as I sort that out I'm better at listing my goals...the why's behind these goals are requiring some serious mining and, thus far, I've only found a few nuggets, I've not hit any vein yet. Why do I give lessons? Why do I work dogs and travel America to trial? Why do I run? And of the small answers i have begun to find; which were handed to me by others and which are deeply and truly mine?
I want to live as if everything is a miracle: good days, bad days; burning, growing, in the hustle of the flow.
Seize the day!
The beginning of the trial season is here! What has been the dreams of the winter becomes the reality of the now. It does not matter if the days preceding were filled with training or time away from preparation, the trial season is indifferent to personal readiness. Yet, opportunity remains abundant; opportunity for learning, assessing, growing, succeeding, working on "right" focus. For me, I know if I base my identity and self worth on a score, I will live an empty life full of ups and downs. I can't always run at my peek, my dogs can't always run at their peek, together expecting peek performance weekend in and weekend out is...well, for one thing not realistic and, for another, is ego driven. (I am still talking about "for me" btw). The time has come; I feel the need to hang up my excuses and live in the now; not living in past accomplishments or disappointments, letting go of the preplan of "how I will do" at trials ahead. I know my character is formed, my learning curve sharped, opportunity to improve upon relationships are given by any run.
"What is to give light must endure burning" ~ Viktor Frankl
I'm re-evaluating my ranch and how to proceed into the future. Letting go of what I love is hard but I do know that I need to embrace the seasons. Letting go feels a lot like burning. On the one hand, burning the internal rubbish is good and cleansing. However, there is that burn that happens when there are two good and equal choices, the one let go of can feel a lot like loss. I think I'll try not lambing next year and see how that works and feels. Well, unless I buy in some bred cull ewes that always seem to come "gift with purchase" when I buy them.
"Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle" ~ Abraham Lincoln
Hustle, amazing word. I'm reading a new book on mental management and the focus of today's chapter is: finding flow. So instead of hustling against the stream, which creates the illusion that a person is giving 110% only because it is hard work paddling against the current, I want to hustle with flow. Which then brings me back to burning the things in my life that don't serve me but create current and hinder me from going with the flow. Sometimes words like "flow" and "timing" and "letting go" appear to be the antithesis of "hustle"....and yet not. Hustle for me is doing all that needs to be done in preparation that will allow flow. For example, an unfit dog can't get around a course, so we condition. Hustle becomes the vehicle which allows the easy of flow. Those days when i don't really "feel" like doing what it takes to achieve my dreams....those are the days when I'd like to "wait" on the 13.1 to come to me......hustle!
"There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle" ~ Abraham Lincoln
My two weeks that surrounded Heppner and Zamora were filled with miracles that could only be found when I opened myself to what each day had to show me. My dogs were partners, my puppy a trouper, my friends good and true, the road and hills filled with amazing beauty atop those hard to climb inclines and hills. I wonder about competition; my new book wants me to find the why's in what I do. Funny as I sort that out I'm better at listing my goals...the why's behind these goals are requiring some serious mining and, thus far, I've only found a few nuggets, I've not hit any vein yet. Why do I give lessons? Why do I work dogs and travel America to trial? Why do I run? And of the small answers i have begun to find; which were handed to me by others and which are deeply and truly mine?
I want to live as if everything is a miracle: good days, bad days; burning, growing, in the hustle of the flow.
Seize the day!
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Cobwebs
I trialed a little over the winter, I told myself as I packed the truck to head off to Heppner. My dog will be fine, she will remember. I thought over the top hands I'd see at Heppner; the day-in day-out training up of their dogs to begin the trial season. When the feelings of unpreparedness started creeping their way into my mind...I remember Jack's run at Soldier Hollow the year Missouri was hit with that nasty drought; high temps keeping his dogs from practice and certainly no working of the sheep to cause stress as they conserved what they could waiting for cooler days. If my memory serves me, Jack won Soldier Hollow that year. I headed to Heppner; 10 week old puppy as co-piot, working on the art of letting go and being in the moment.
The first run of the 2014 trial season was brake-less and all Bella. I can't remember the last time we ran sheep on the fetch like we did...and I mean ran 'em. Bella took that bit in between her teeth and reminded me of a few things about us. What I love about her and what drives me nuts about her is that fine line: every now and then she gets away from me and we gallop off into the sunset, blazing saddles and all. A top handler once told me, "if you run them on the fetch, you might get it back together for a decent run, but you will never have the run you could have had if you would not have run them on the fetch." Yep...running them on the fetch was not a good idea from any view, especially not Heppner sheep! As I lay in bed that night, looking at all the little details of my Bella and me, I began sorting out my list of ideas as well as putting together a plan for the next go. Time to get the broom out and get rid of those cobwebs.
Bella and I were first dog to the post on Sunday. First run on a glorious day in God's country.....couldn't ask for a better lighting to see any of those cobwebs I might have missed in the dark of the night before. Bella ran, and it felt marvelous; a hit of the high that keeps me coming back for more. Let the trial season begin.........
Seize the day!
The first run of the 2014 trial season was brake-less and all Bella. I can't remember the last time we ran sheep on the fetch like we did...and I mean ran 'em. Bella took that bit in between her teeth and reminded me of a few things about us. What I love about her and what drives me nuts about her is that fine line: every now and then she gets away from me and we gallop off into the sunset, blazing saddles and all. A top handler once told me, "if you run them on the fetch, you might get it back together for a decent run, but you will never have the run you could have had if you would not have run them on the fetch." Yep...running them on the fetch was not a good idea from any view, especially not Heppner sheep! As I lay in bed that night, looking at all the little details of my Bella and me, I began sorting out my list of ideas as well as putting together a plan for the next go. Time to get the broom out and get rid of those cobwebs.
Bella and I were first dog to the post on Sunday. First run on a glorious day in God's country.....couldn't ask for a better lighting to see any of those cobwebs I might have missed in the dark of the night before. Bella ran, and it felt marvelous; a hit of the high that keeps me coming back for more. Let the trial season begin.........
Seize the day!
Monday, March 10, 2014
Focus
I was reading an article from an ultimate sports magazine (yep, that's one we subscribe to here in this household) and the story was told about a runner that had to cross a long bridge that spanned a river far below while running an ultra 100 mile run. In my minds eye, I envision a rickety, wood slatted bridge with rope hand holds, built for traversing, not stability. The runner in the story was struggling with the thought of crossing that deep chasm using the swinging, rickety bridge. His companion, knowing that the bridge must be crossed, and having crossed it before himself, gave sage advice: "focus on where you want to go. If you look down, you will go down; keep your focus on the other side...and you'll be just fine"
Focus on where you want to go!
Somedays it is more difficult to not look, focus on, or worry about where I don't want to go. Probably one of the reasons that I am a great visualizer is because I've allowed myself much practice imagining all the things that could go wrong in any given scenario. That totally useless, worry mentality is muscle memory that I am putting a cast on to allow for atrophy while the "focus on where I want to go" develops into a strong alpha bitch muscle.
In addition to worry, what I'm not good at deserves just a cursory glance. To become the best me I can be, I know I have to look at what I am not good at; a quick study that allows for assessment on what needs to be done to get better. While assessing what needs work, I find myself digging deep, not to focus but to understand what deserves my focus......on where I want to go.
Focus on where I want to go.......today is a good day to do just that! While I'm at it, I think I will
Sieze the Day!!!!
Focus on where you want to go!
Somedays it is more difficult to not look, focus on, or worry about where I don't want to go. Probably one of the reasons that I am a great visualizer is because I've allowed myself much practice imagining all the things that could go wrong in any given scenario. That totally useless, worry mentality is muscle memory that I am putting a cast on to allow for atrophy while the "focus on where I want to go" develops into a strong alpha bitch muscle.
In addition to worry, what I'm not good at deserves just a cursory glance. To become the best me I can be, I know I have to look at what I am not good at; a quick study that allows for assessment on what needs to be done to get better. While assessing what needs work, I find myself digging deep, not to focus but to understand what deserves my focus......on where I want to go.
Focus on where I want to go.......today is a good day to do just that! While I'm at it, I think I will
Sieze the Day!!!!
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Ready, Set...Let's Roll
Life begins to find a new normal...for now until the next change. The only certainty of life....change! With age, I seem to have lost some flexibility. My right quad, left hip flexor, schedule, life plans....all have lost pliability. Nothing like a new puppy......and a new year of trialing to roll everything out.
Zamora had 140 dogs for 78 spots...the Blue Grass has 13 first dogs on the wait list before the second dogs even get a look at running as handlers begin their annual pulls. I have dreams for trialing, dreams that will need to be accompanied with, yes, flexibility. Next weekend, the trial season begins for me and Bella at Heppner. I'm thankful that Zamora will be the following weekend for both girls. I signed up to go to the Blue Grass this year, time will tell if both girls get in to give the nod for the trip. My entries are filled out and ready to send on opening dates, sealed with wishes and sent off hoping and praying that the draws are with me.
I'll dig deep and work at knowing that, when I let go and allow, life unfolds pretty darn miraculously!
Seize the Day!
Zamora had 140 dogs for 78 spots...the Blue Grass has 13 first dogs on the wait list before the second dogs even get a look at running as handlers begin their annual pulls. I have dreams for trialing, dreams that will need to be accompanied with, yes, flexibility. Next weekend, the trial season begins for me and Bella at Heppner. I'm thankful that Zamora will be the following weekend for both girls. I signed up to go to the Blue Grass this year, time will tell if both girls get in to give the nod for the trip. My entries are filled out and ready to send on opening dates, sealed with wishes and sent off hoping and praying that the draws are with me.
I'll dig deep and work at knowing that, when I let go and allow, life unfolds pretty darn miraculously!
Seize the Day!
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Life Changes
Guess who just slipped out the doggie door and into the freedom of the back yard with all those she looks up to and wants to be like.....yep, Sis! I've never had a border collie puppy that I did not have the mom of. In other words, I had Gyp as a pup but I had her mama Nell and Auntie Bella to keep her occupied. Both Bella and Nell loved Gyp and would play with her hours on end. That and I had two high school boys that I could sweet talk into a little Gyp play.
Flash forward four years and here I am with a little pup that none of the dogs will play with and my boys have grown up and flown the coup. Sis snuggled with Jack Russell, Ruby last night and both Ruby and my other JRT Ticket walk in the back yard showing Sis life, but no playing. I'm Sis' only playmate at the time, well, me and hubby. I remember asking a mentor friend, "How do you raise a puppy?" as I stumbled along with Gyp. He told me to make sure I taught them to learn. The doggie door is just one in the many learning experiences Miss Sis is going through.
I've had this pup over a week now and my life is starting to find a new rhythm. I remind myself that Sis won't be a puppy for long and I don't get new puppies very often. Sis is a good reminder to not wish away the day looking forward to what comes with age and maturity. When I had babies, I would say, "Oh I can't wait for them to sit-up"...then it was crawl. A very good friend, that was just a little further down the road of life, told me to not wish away the day. Each stage of childrearing comes with its good and bad. As we look forward, it is easy to only see the good and long for it. Instead, enjoy the good of right now. And so life lessons seem to repeat, only this time in puppy form.
One of my goals for 2014 is to find better time management, focusing on the things in life that bring me joy and accomplishment while letting go of time wasters and time suckers. I would have never thought a puppy would help me focus more on what's important to me, but that is exactly what she is doing. And so, I write each page in this new journal of mine working on trust and relationship and understanding........
Seize the Day!!!!
Flash forward four years and here I am with a little pup that none of the dogs will play with and my boys have grown up and flown the coup. Sis snuggled with Jack Russell, Ruby last night and both Ruby and my other JRT Ticket walk in the back yard showing Sis life, but no playing. I'm Sis' only playmate at the time, well, me and hubby. I remember asking a mentor friend, "How do you raise a puppy?" as I stumbled along with Gyp. He told me to make sure I taught them to learn. The doggie door is just one in the many learning experiences Miss Sis is going through.
I've had this pup over a week now and my life is starting to find a new rhythm. I remind myself that Sis won't be a puppy for long and I don't get new puppies very often. Sis is a good reminder to not wish away the day looking forward to what comes with age and maturity. When I had babies, I would say, "Oh I can't wait for them to sit-up"...then it was crawl. A very good friend, that was just a little further down the road of life, told me to not wish away the day. Each stage of childrearing comes with its good and bad. As we look forward, it is easy to only see the good and long for it. Instead, enjoy the good of right now. And so life lessons seem to repeat, only this time in puppy form.
One of my goals for 2014 is to find better time management, focusing on the things in life that bring me joy and accomplishment while letting go of time wasters and time suckers. I would have never thought a puppy would help me focus more on what's important to me, but that is exactly what she is doing. And so, I write each page in this new journal of mine working on trust and relationship and understanding........
Seize the Day!!!!
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Little Sister
This here is my new journal. Black and white on the outside.....clean slate on the inside. So much responsibility......I hear Jack's voice saying "don't you spoil her!"
None of the dogs particularly like her....they don't dislike her either. Although Snook is frustrated beyond her evil bitch face, Sis tries hard to win her over and over and over. I have Bella and Dot spend one on one time with Sis; I supervise. Bella and Dot love practicing their recalls, name recognition and have their sits and lie downs down pat. Sis is getting lots of tips on how to be a good working sheepdog.
With the help of friends, I am enjoying this new ride. Sis is clever and cute with a dash of very ornery and a hint of naughty. Me, well, I am writing in ink......
all over the pages of my heart.
Seize the Day!
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Blank Pages
I have a new journal. The outside is familiar; contrasts of black and white giving an idea on what might be found inside. The pages are blank for the most part, although the Master Creator inserted some basic foundational truths..."I do not bring back from a journey quite the same self that I took" ~ W. Somerset Maugham I feel such huge responsibility, though that might not be the correct word, as I put pen to paper and begin the first line of the first chapter of this new book. So many details to pay close attention to; as the story unfolds I do not know, in advance, which aspects will impact my adventure's map.
I am a perfectionist while loving routine. In the past, mistakes have been avoided. I've written in pencil to make for easy correction. Not this time, this time I write in pen. I'm doing my research, asking questions and evaluating what might work best for me as I begin to write my next novel. Mistakes will be embraced and learned from, while attempting to minimize them, I will fold the story around the ink's permanence. Opportunity to learn and make the most of all that unfolds on this magical journey of bringing forth what I've been working so long to attempt.
I dig deep looking for courage to face down that perfectionistic demon that whispers in my ear. If life is not to be outcome oriented, then the process must be embraced for what each sentence brings to life. I just got done listening to, what has now become, one of my favorite books. The book is Dr. Sleep, written by Stephen King. I'm not a real fan of scary so it has taken me months to get through the listening. I would have been better off actually reading it so I could skip ahead. The way Stephen King puts his words together, making me friends with the likable and dreaming about the whispering demons, made me sad to see the book come to an end. My favorite part though, was the insight Mr. King gave at the conclusion about how the book unfolded for him. He knew the story had to be told but I'm pretty sure he did not know how it would end until it came to him.
I have dreams and aspirations as I begin to write. The blank pages filling in as the story unfolds. I remind myself to not wish away any moment, embrace the process, be open to the magic of a wild, amazing, twisting, perfect journey....there is no skipping ahead to find out how it ends......
Seize the Day!!!
I am a perfectionist while loving routine. In the past, mistakes have been avoided. I've written in pencil to make for easy correction. Not this time, this time I write in pen. I'm doing my research, asking questions and evaluating what might work best for me as I begin to write my next novel. Mistakes will be embraced and learned from, while attempting to minimize them, I will fold the story around the ink's permanence. Opportunity to learn and make the most of all that unfolds on this magical journey of bringing forth what I've been working so long to attempt.
I dig deep looking for courage to face down that perfectionistic demon that whispers in my ear. If life is not to be outcome oriented, then the process must be embraced for what each sentence brings to life. I just got done listening to, what has now become, one of my favorite books. The book is Dr. Sleep, written by Stephen King. I'm not a real fan of scary so it has taken me months to get through the listening. I would have been better off actually reading it so I could skip ahead. The way Stephen King puts his words together, making me friends with the likable and dreaming about the whispering demons, made me sad to see the book come to an end. My favorite part though, was the insight Mr. King gave at the conclusion about how the book unfolded for him. He knew the story had to be told but I'm pretty sure he did not know how it would end until it came to him.
I have dreams and aspirations as I begin to write. The blank pages filling in as the story unfolds. I remind myself to not wish away any moment, embrace the process, be open to the magic of a wild, amazing, twisting, perfect journey....there is no skipping ahead to find out how it ends......
Seize the Day!!!
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
When the Going Gets Tough.......
That sure was a week in the book of my life! As I look out the window today, it is almost as if it did not happen. Only the piles of remaining snow keep the evidence of the past week physically real. It started Wednesday with my formal meeting up with the man who haunts me; hoping it is the final meeting and I can move on. Then Thursday, the lambs starting showing up right along side the big, fat, wet snowflakes. Almost a foot of snow out at the ranch mixed with not many snowplows in the county and I was ranch bound for four nights. Most nights I stayed at my neighbors; they graciously offered me a bed, shower, food and COFFEE! One night, the snow was so deep and two mamas looked to be quite ready, I just stayed in my truck. That allowed me to get up a few times in the night to check for lambs without worrying I'd wake my new roommates or not be able to open their electric gate to get out.
The whole experience wasn't that bad. Every day, as I hauled buckets of water for the mamas and their new babies in the barn I found a lot to be thankful for. 1) I had electricity. That meant I could run my heater in my pump house and have water. It also allowed for stock tank heaters and lamb heaters as well as barn lights so I could see. 2) I have fabulous neighbors! Most days I walked down to get coffee and find companionship. They fed me and checked up on me and have one of the most comfortable beds I have ever slept in! 3) I got a fantastic workout every day! Hauling water, shoveling snow, cleaning jugs, walking for coffee......oh and limited food from the backs seat of the truck kept me headed in the right direction.
Yesterday, Bella and I had to sort off the three ewes that were sheared in hopes that they actually were bred. They have been living high on the hog eating at the buffet with those who actually were growing babies. Now that the mamas are getting big and clumsy, the unbred ewes have become quiet sure that the food is all theirs and, feeling great if not barn bound, those open ewes have been pushing my getting ready to lamb ewes around. Bella and I had the task of sorting the two groups and putting the open ewes out with the school sheep. It was hard work, those open ewes seemed to know that the buffet was closing and they did not want to be outside sheep. In the frustration of the moment, my raw, tired, truck slept emotions were showing, and Bella let me know she did not like me one bit. It was not the task at hand but rather me and my temper and choice of words. I think I could say f*$k in the sweetest of voices and my dogs would all know that I am not happy!
Funny, there has been a big discussion on Facebook about "sulky" dogs. I've read most of it and have my own opinions. I do not want my dog quitting me, nor being sulky. I most certainly will not apologies to the one who haunts me that my dogs are a mirror to my soul! My life, dogs included, is about me finding myself. My dogs are the best friends to me...showing me where I need to work on myself. I can yell, swear, be unfair and hold grudges to people. I could surround myself with doormats and people who can not set healthy boundaries that take my poor and despicable moods. But not my dogs......my dogs tell me, in no uncertain terms, to get over myself. My dogs show me that, this is a job and if I dig deep, work hard and not allow emotions to get in the way, the job gets done. There are days when the job is very hard, those are the days that I need to dig deeper and be the kind of partner that I would want. I most certainly would not want to work for somebody who is yelling, swearing and blaming for a job that is hard by no one's fault.
When the going gets tough.......the toughness can mold us into warriors and badass survivors. That molding does not just happen though. For me, it takes work digging deep and really sorting myself out: discipline, self control, supportive communication, holding up my end of the partnership.....funny how that looks a lot like life!
Now the rains come......and more lambs. Better get my badass toughness on.......
Seize the day!
The whole experience wasn't that bad. Every day, as I hauled buckets of water for the mamas and their new babies in the barn I found a lot to be thankful for. 1) I had electricity. That meant I could run my heater in my pump house and have water. It also allowed for stock tank heaters and lamb heaters as well as barn lights so I could see. 2) I have fabulous neighbors! Most days I walked down to get coffee and find companionship. They fed me and checked up on me and have one of the most comfortable beds I have ever slept in! 3) I got a fantastic workout every day! Hauling water, shoveling snow, cleaning jugs, walking for coffee......oh and limited food from the backs seat of the truck kept me headed in the right direction.
Yesterday, Bella and I had to sort off the three ewes that were sheared in hopes that they actually were bred. They have been living high on the hog eating at the buffet with those who actually were growing babies. Now that the mamas are getting big and clumsy, the unbred ewes have become quiet sure that the food is all theirs and, feeling great if not barn bound, those open ewes have been pushing my getting ready to lamb ewes around. Bella and I had the task of sorting the two groups and putting the open ewes out with the school sheep. It was hard work, those open ewes seemed to know that the buffet was closing and they did not want to be outside sheep. In the frustration of the moment, my raw, tired, truck slept emotions were showing, and Bella let me know she did not like me one bit. It was not the task at hand but rather me and my temper and choice of words. I think I could say f*$k in the sweetest of voices and my dogs would all know that I am not happy!
Funny, there has been a big discussion on Facebook about "sulky" dogs. I've read most of it and have my own opinions. I do not want my dog quitting me, nor being sulky. I most certainly will not apologies to the one who haunts me that my dogs are a mirror to my soul! My life, dogs included, is about me finding myself. My dogs are the best friends to me...showing me where I need to work on myself. I can yell, swear, be unfair and hold grudges to people. I could surround myself with doormats and people who can not set healthy boundaries that take my poor and despicable moods. But not my dogs......my dogs tell me, in no uncertain terms, to get over myself. My dogs show me that, this is a job and if I dig deep, work hard and not allow emotions to get in the way, the job gets done. There are days when the job is very hard, those are the days that I need to dig deeper and be the kind of partner that I would want. I most certainly would not want to work for somebody who is yelling, swearing and blaming for a job that is hard by no one's fault.
When the going gets tough.......the toughness can mold us into warriors and badass survivors. That molding does not just happen though. For me, it takes work digging deep and really sorting myself out: discipline, self control, supportive communication, holding up my end of the partnership.....funny how that looks a lot like life!
Now the rains come......and more lambs. Better get my badass toughness on.......
Seize the day!
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