Muscle Memory

I pulled my dog from the truck Friday morning to find, together, we had reverted back a few baby steps; darn muscle memory!!!  Dot was lit, pulling on her leash while trying to greet anyone or anything that might look like it wanted to meet her. For her, on this day, I was just the driver; 'thank you very much for bringing me to the party but you can go home now!'  Any correction I could dish out was met with indifference. I looked around for something, anything really, that could carry some respect.  I found a flag laying amongst the grass, becoming one with the terrain from lack of use.  I pried it up out of the grass's frosty grip and quickly reminded Dot of all we had been working on.  "Get behind", I quietly reminded her, her body complied while her mind teetered on that edge of wild, thoughtless abandon. 

Always after the fact, there at things I remember to remind myself about.  Just a few weeks ago, after trying with everything in me to get Dot to sort something out, I put her away and the next day she came out talented and gifted as if we had been doing that all her life.  After the fact, I remembered: Dot is a latent learner!  Much in the same was, I've seen and sorted over the past month that a flag creates tension in Dot.  I've stopped using a flag, or a whip of any fashion, at home because of this.  I'm a slow study, or maybe because I was hell bent on getting a few of my questions answered, I had a flag in my hand as I walked Miss Dot out into the clinic field. The Universe seems to always dish my plate with what I am to learn in the moment if I am willing.  Willing or not, as I walked up with my dog on a leash, her mind whirling a thousand thoughts a second, me feeling all that Dot was thinking mixed in with all my clinic anxiety creating one big huge toxic cocktail, I did indeed have a flag in my hand; all the better to stir with, baby!  I also did not put it down as I headed out to work her on the sheep. Old muscle memory: so many places where I could have made a different decision and the outcome might have changed.  I clung to the flag.

I look at Dot and see myself.  There are days where she is brilliant, a team mate trying to sort out the relationship heading towards understanding.  At home, I change the picture with different fields, different tasks, mixing up the sheep, we are finding that heady journey of partnership.  Then I take Dot to a new place, new sheep, different environment and she falls apart. She reverts to muscle memory: turning into that crazy, scared, reactionary, hell bent on beating, 20 month old girl that entered my life  Funny how I always fall back into wondering if we will ever "get this", Dottie Jean and me.  Will she every lose the tension? Will she trust me, trust herself, relax, mature?  I shake myself by the scruff and know of course she will....look at how far she has come for goodness sakes.  I'm back to being late to the party and have to yet again remind myself to remember this is a journey; it will happen. My attention leaves Dot and my doubt of what might lie ahead and I look at myself.  I'd  like to learn to let go of some of my self doubt....maybe find some trust in myself.. Will I ever get this?  Will I ever do what my dogs needs right as it happens?  Maybe one day, I can work a dog at a clinic being the exact same person I am while working a dog by myself anywhere else. Dot and I both need to strengthen our new, healthy muscle memory.

My clinic experience was priceless.  I got what I was looking for: watching the natural come out in Dot, the melting away of tension and finding a bit of trust in herself is one of the reasons I like working Dot with Jack.  I then work on the same for myself, letting go of some of the disappointment in my taking a flag out with me.  I know it creates tension in Dot, she needs to be able to trust that I will do what she needs to be tension free.  As I help Dot to develop new muscle memory, I wonder what I can do to join in her journey for myself?  I do know that if I were not on a good road with Dot, she would have never been able to settle in and find her method at the clinic for Jack in a minute's time.  As I sort, I find myself laughing; it's easier to make plans to help Dot with muscle memory.  I'll be sure to keep getting her new places, make sure I am consistent in myself and what I get from her every time I do, diligently watch to see if I am creating tension or relaxing her into suppleness, allowing her to find her answers.  The real question might be: How am I going to find a new muscle memory for me? How can I lose my tension at clinics?  How can I stay true to myself and not fall back into old habits?  I wonder if the sorting of me is the key to my dogs. I think somehow, this clinic was more about me than it was about Dot. So I soldier on, looking at myself, digging deeper, this journey certainly seems it might take a lifetime......

Seize the Day!