Pause Button

I've got more life lessons to write about.....important things that I don't want to forget.  The memories come back to me at the weirdest of times; night, as I lay in bed thinking, or while I am showering, and of course driving....those are the best of thinking and remembering times.

Today, I hit the pause button.  I'm sitting on the couch with my 14 year old Jack Russell Terrier, Ruby.     She was born in front of the fireplace and lived in my son's closet the first few weeks of her life.  Her mama, Summer, tried to move the whole litter under Jake's bed so many times that we compromised. Summer finally gave up the moving of the puppies to settle into the closet and Ruby grew up right next to Jake.  Ruby Tuesday is the "old girl" of my pack.

I homeschooled my son, Jake for three years, third through fifth grade.  One day, early in his homeschooling experience, Jake was watching the Animal Planet and dog agility came on.  Some of the folks were competing with JRTs and we had a JRT...must be fate.  We went on-line, ordered our free Clean Run magazine, found a local WAG competition, attended, was introduced to a trainer...and thus started our journey into the world of agility.

Ruby was a fast learner as well as a fast runner.  In practice, she rocked and Jake loved the training.  It all went to hell at trials though.  Ruby was a mama's girl and the stress of trailing had her leaving the ring to find me.  Many a run, I had to sit in the car and not watch...and many more runs,when I tried to watch, Ruby would sniff me out and leave her boy dog-less in the ring:  Not a good recipe for success.  So Ruby was bequeathed to me the day Jake was given Spark and together Ruby and I joined in the agility fun.

14 1/2 years, time has faded Ruby's red patches and her body is giving her issues.  She leans here against my leg, swaddled in a big downy comforter.  She's been off and on food for the past 9 months; I've been able to nurse her back to eating with rotisserie chicken and peanut butter.  It's been a long four days, she feels miserable and I know.  I'm digging deep to be a promise keeper again.  I cannot imagine my life without this girl, she who sleeps cuddled up against me at night.

There is a lot of change happening in my life right now.  I am getting ready to move...the dream come true sort of move.  I have hoped that my old girls would get a taste of living my dream.  I wrestle with myself...over and over...not wanting to fail Ruby, or Snook for that matter, with extra days of pain on my behalf but not wanting to shorten their lives by one day if it is not time.  How does a one know?  I read about the dogs that get to spend the last days doing what they love before they cross the rainbow bridge.  I know I have taken both my dogs past living those days.....Snook's back end won't allow her to work sheep and her pain won't allow her a truck ride while Ruby won't eat so Dairy Queen is out.  I sit here, hugging her and petting her and whispering my sweet gratitude into her ear.   This little neurotic, separation anxiety filled JRT who wormed her way into my heart, deep into the middle and filling up so much room.  She has loved sick days....any warm body on the couch was her definition of the best of days.  When Jake had knee surgery....she felt bad for him but was so happy for herself.....she has loved each and every couch day with any of her boys.  She has chased my lawn mower with gusto and barked herself horse at me.  She has thieved the garbage can under the sink so many nights that it is tied shut in her honor.  She has welcomed in all of the dogs that have crossed my threshold, tolerated some and embraced others.  I know there are days before Ruby, but I don't remember them as vivid as the days since she came into this world....my little Bat Girl.

Change is coming....some of it so amazing I'm left breathless but I tread slowly hitting the pause button for just a few more days with one of my best friends.

Seize the day.