Live A Good Story......

The Blog of Impossible Things has caught my attention...and in a timely manner, thank you very much.  First World Problems provided perfect over thinking fodder for a long drive to Trailing of the Sheep.  I had been looking forward to TOTS for quite some time; when I got the call from Don Helsley that I was in, there was a waiting list, and was I sure I wanted to come.....I think my happy dance and party of "yes, I got in!" said enough. After NOT putting Bella on that special list at the finals that would have had her running......and all the bad things Bella said to me about my lack....I was very excited to get her on fine wool sheep for the second time at a trial, and see how she handled sheep that pushed back a bit.  As I drove, I thought about my "first world problems"...you know those tiny bitty nonsense things in life that, if allowed, can become bigger and potentially all consuming.  Very much like a hot air balloon, when not inflated fits in a box; yet filled with hot air can block the view of amazing splendor.  They are quite beautiful, yes, and can serve a purpose...yet imagine having hot air balloons, filled and sitting in the back yard day in and day out. Not seeing anything but big multicolored man-made balloons, and all the energy that goes into keeping them filled with hot air.....overwhelming, distracting, fake, bigger than life, and not how I want to live.  As I drove on, I pondered how to put those hot air balloons back into their boxes and possibly consider shipping some of them back to their manufacturing companies.  How does sheepdog training and trialing fit into living a good story without a focus on First World Problems??

A friend of mine told me a story of one of his runs at Trailing of the Sheep.  He had a rogue ewe that ended up running back up into the mountains on one of his runs.....his story was a good one, reminding me that if indeed, I made it to TOTS, my "goals" would need to be realistic and "myself" to not be taken too serious! After my two runs with Nell at the finals, I was looking forward to relaxing, experimenting and taking some self imposed, first world pressure off myself.

The days dawned early, those in charge of the trial "morning people" and just as important, conscientious about getting all 54 dogs their time on the field. It was cool watching the sheep get moved from the overnight pen to the top end, in the dark, only the lights of the four wheelers giving a glimpse of ghost-like sheep moving in and out of the foggy, dust swirl they were creating. The first day, Nell ran early and I loved how we worked together....getting around with a nice shed..but no pen.  The day showed how challenging the sheep were....not a pen was to be had.  A very good friend texted me that he was seeing consistency in Nell....time to get to work on what points I was leaving on the field. 

Bella, Bella...Bella Mia.....let's just say "she brought them"!  She was tense and lit and I walked, much to the surprise of the announcer and the judge and the exhaust.....I was getting around but with no "relationship", it was the tense Bella show.  Bella was on her own agenda...so I walked.  And I thought.....life is about "relationship".....how do I "get" Bella to want to work with me??  She is so different from Nell, not that Nell hasn't had days, months, years of thinking it would be better if I sat in the truck while she ran.  How do I get in Bella's head?  What does Bella need from me?  What I do know is: I would rather not run her than have her run all over the sheep and me...and I believe she does this out of tension and not naughtiness.  In the instant of a lift, she turned nice sheep into wolf-fearing, reactionary sheep...and kept that theme on the first end of the fetch.  Once settled, the tension was dipped into time and again, her dysfunctional habit of dealing with stress. I get it...I live Bella's life...I love chocolate and birthday cake when my sheep of life get out of control......neither of our reactions to stress provide the desired outcome and I think we both feel like crap when it is over!

After watching, then not watching, my first run with Bella from LaCamas, I have been searching my soul as to which first world issues keep me from doing what my dog needs at a trial and staying at the post, filling hot air balloons instead.  Ego?  Pride?  That crazy, bitchy side of myself that wants to "make" my dog?  The balloon fills to capacity when I look at "others" and their journey with their dogs.  The cool, quiet, beautiful people who pip along while their dogs lie down with the enthusiasm that one of mine would eat bacon! And then I open the escape hatch....the hot air rises and the balloon deflates....becoming just the material that can be folded and put back into that box that needs a shipping label to get the hell out of here.  My dogs, my journey..funny how I have just what I need to become;....and maybe just maybe, as I live a good, honest story and keep digging deep with my relationship with Bella, I can find the ability to keep on, find answers in myself and along the way, to be as kind and forgiving of myself as I am of my dog.

Seize the Day!