One Last Dance......

It was 8 years ago last November that a tiny, smooth coat, black and white border collie came through a list I follow as a dog in a local shelter needing a shot at life.  A person known for evaluating shelter dogs gave a positive review of this border collie for a potential agility dog, and I was in rare form....just sure this dog was for me!  And that is exactly how Miss Porsche GT...aka Rocking Dog's Smooth Ride....came into my life.  Her story was...she had lived on the streets of Roseburg, homeless as a 7 month old and needing to be trapped to be caught.  Her life at the dog pound only intensified her fear.....every time I visited her while she waited for her owner to come forward...she could not focus on food, or a toy or me.  I have to admit...that really dysfunctional side of me came out...the one that wants to fix things and give love to the unlovable and be super woman.  So Porsche came home with me. 

                         



Her fear was so intense....she had learned a few things on the streets: people were to not be trusted and when in doubt...RUN!  So the first year of her life with me she lived dragging a 300 foot long line.  She spent many sessions with dog-behaviorists sorting out how to get this dog to have a functional life.  Dead were my dreams of a kick-ass agility dog....now I just wanted to rehab her and find her a home! In addition to her fear...she had absolutely no dog communication skills. She could not play and if any of the dogs wanted to play she policed the party.  None of the dogs liked her and she could not read the snarls and growls that were thrown her way.  My early memories of her were filled with drama....the day my son and I were packing for the Mega Dogs agility trial.  I took Porsche out into the back yard for one more potty opportunity just as the lawn service showed up and came out back.  Though they quickly retreated out of the back yard, it took my son and I two hours to finally catch Porsche and get her in the RV.  Or the trip the next year to the NADAC Finals in Colorado.  One night Porsche ate part of a rug...and the next day she ended up pooping it all over my bed as she broke out of the kennel when my son went to pet her and console her.  We quickly figured out that Porsche would not be a dog that anyone would want and so she became my special project.

My agility days ended with my son's interest in sports and I found sheep.  Be to the fact that Porsche was a border collie....I just knew she would be a good "herding" dog!  Porsche has worked with some top names including Derek Scrimgeour and Patrick Shanahahn.  Really at the end of the day, Porsche could work sheep as long as they moved!  If they did not move, she would quick foot it, spinning around them till she dazzled them with her tight fast craziness and something happened.  At home, she would often leave the sheep she did not like in the field...bringing only the girls who would come. The flock figured her out and less sheep moved and more sheep stayed out.

I kept banging at my training with her....in my heart I wanted to believe that she could find confidence if only I would believe enough in her.  She did actually go high in trial at an AKC trail up at Fido's farm.  She loved to work sheep even if it did not go well. 

I will never forget the day that Patrick put his arm around me and told me something along the line of...maybe we had taken Porsche as far as we could.  I know I augured...and told him I would show him!  It brings tears to my eyes even today.......I just so wanted to believe that love and belief would be enough to heal this dog!

But over time, I learned to listen to truth.  Porsche was really scarred and some of those could not heal.  After attempting to take her to a few sheepdog trials where we were staying in the RV.....her neurosis making her sick and keeping me up all night.  I decided to leave her home...and she got all nervous and full of fear without me there.  She was a little autistic in needing home and me with her.  So doggie downers were prescribed and Porsche started settling into a more quiet life.  

 

 There is so much to say and not enough words to do justice.  Over time, storms became Porsche enemies....first in wind and then rain.....with seizures following the fear.  Quality of life is a gift we get to give our dogs....and fear-free painless passing follows as a close second gift.  Porsche's good days were fewer and her bad days more frequent.  I wanted to be able to say goodbye on a good day.

Today was a good day.  A romp with her pack and a spin on the sheep.  A last dance together, Porsche and me.  She stood in the stock tank cooling off, enjoying the breeze, drinking in a glimpse of the paradise awaiting her.

Miss Porsche taught me so much.  Sometimes no matter how much I love and work to fix something......it might just not be the journey I had envisioned when I started out.  However, if I look real close.....the joy, love, patience and devotion exceeded anything I could have hoped for in wins and glory.  Oh Porsche....I hope it was enough.  Run fear free sweet girl.....I really am going to miss you!  Thank you for picking me to tell your story to and share your journey with.  Rest in Peace till I see you again!