One Step Backwards

Dot and I have made progress over the year, yes year, I have had her.  I think back to those wicked first days and shudder.  I'm thankful for all she has taught me, I am not bothered by her age, and I'm up for sorting me to be the trainer Miss Dottie Jean needs.  That said, we have gone backwards.

I look back over what I might have done different.  Was trailing her to see what she brought to a different field with different sheep and people and dogs on the field, when she was not quite ready too much for her little tri colored head?  Did that rattle her, or maybe create a sense of her starting to buy into her super powers that now she feels the need to blow me off?  Have I been consistent?  All those questions, plus many more, rattle around in my head as I continue to work on developing a healthy relationship with Dot.  I believe the answers are not as important as the fact that we are right where we are, which is a place for me to learn more about this dog and my approach to her. 

Maybe going one step backwards is not really going backwards.  Maybe it is just a turn in the road of becoming that looks quite similar to what has been seen before, but it's not exactly that scenery.  Even though there are days where I feel like I am living Groundhog's Day, the Movie.....I take Dot to the filed, we drive for a little while, I ask for the big flank and BAM we are back to tension, reaction, mindless movement......I know deep inside I need to sort myself for some answers that, Dot is showing me, I have not found just yet.

Winter weather and pregnant sheep allow me the privilege of focusing on myself and my dogs; improving my skills of training and teaching.  I've had the rare opportunity to work with two trainers I have longed to work with but the timing was never right.  Since Dot is complicated and I'm need to re-evaluate my approach to her, she has been the dog of choice at my lessons.  Funny how each lesson ended with the same thesis: respect. And so I find myself working through process over outcome, this chapter's topic: the training of a dog. 

I've begun a new journey outside of sheepdogs.  It can look like a hard journey; my progress is slow and measured in miniscule almost undetectable change.  There are days when I wonder what the hell I am thinking.  Every time, thoughts of quitting come to visit my head and tagging along are Quit's friends, Not Good Enough, Who Are You Kidding, Can't, and Impossible.  In the beginning, I would fight but now I welcome them along for the ride.  I don't fight them any more than I fight the dog training ideas and grocery lists that come along for the ride as well. Those thoughts don't bother my so why should I allow Quit's posy to carry an more weight than mindless chatter, or ah ha ideas?  I soldier on, thankful for my new journey as it reminds me of how sheepdogs began for me.  All the things I say to myself to soldier on, look for the joy and reward in the process, I say to my friends that are starting out with their dogs on sheep.  And all of this, dogs and new journey, serve to remind me, this journey of life is about growing and becoming ME!  I'm up for the challenge!!

Seize the Day

and GOOOO Seahawks!